Merry Christmas

Sebastian Bach

Tolstoy

Nelson Mandela

Bill Clinton

Malcom X

Jesus Christ

You might not agree with all the politics on this list. Or you might not appreciate fine art. But what do all these men have in common. A beginning steeped in poverty and without a natural father to raise them. They were by societies definitions the cast offs the misfits. The kids nobody wanted to raise. Even Jesus . Joseph balked at first it took a visit from an angel who told him to raise Jesus as his son. So the fact he was there was nothing extraordinary. Nobody in this room would argue with a direct messenger from God. What is extraordinary is the fact that none of the people on this list accepted their circumstances in life. They became great and achieved greatness because they overcame and persevered.

Despise not the day of humble beginnings. Never arrive at a place of achievement in life and stay. And when society and family and friends doubt you in your dreams which they will don’t believe their report believe Gods report.

Jesus your just a carpenter. Jesus why do you go to the temple to debate with educated men when your just the son of Mary and Joseph. Can you imagine all the doubters out there who spoke into the life of Jesus. Who reminded him that he came into this world in a barn. Can you imagine how even he might have doubted his true identity if he spent time in his family tree much. There was  Rahab a prostitute.  There was Bathsheba an adulterous. But he did not he knew his identity ..He had a vision for His life…and He pushed to new levels and new levels.

The difference between Jesus and us ..is not the fact that He was God on Earth. Because we have that same ability The Holy Spirit dwells in us. But that He did not get bitter towards the people who doubted Him. And He did not get distracted by things that are pointless and irreverent to the direction He knew His life was meant to go. And he never got complacent.  Of all the homeless people to ever walk this Earth Jesus Christ was the one who said we can do it. To all the fatherless kids out there Jesus Christ is the one who with his life says you can do it. To all the people who come from unlikely circumstance but have a dream of achieving greatness Jesus Christ says look past your circumstance and focus on the goal and YOU 2 CAN change the world. The greatest gift on Earth to give is hope. And the life of Christ is that hope. We can overcome drug addiction. We can overcome time in prison. We can overcome our parents abusing us. We can overcome because of the over comer that is in us. Don’t be fooled by the street signs that read dead end in your life. Because through Jesus you can do all things. 

                                                Merry Christmas.

Faith fullness is the cornerstone of success

Faithfulness is the Cornerstone of Success

True success can only be gained through perserverance hard work and discipline. But that does not tell the whole story...it takes faith as well ....if we break the word faithfullness up we have two root words faith and full. Said in a different ordei you would have full of faith. See life is not a 100 meter sprint it is a marathon. and when obstacles opposition and resistance and persecution come what keeps a person working hard, persevering and holding to a disciplined regiment is faith that one day the goal will be met. Vince Lombardi puts it best in my book....Success happens when the will to prepare meets the desire to win.

True story a man applies for a job at General Electric back then not a very well known company but up and coming...He is hired at an entery level position. A position most people would resign themselves to for a long time and retire from or quit eventually and go and get another job. THE MAILROOM. Now I have worked in a mailroom and sorted packages for fed-ex and allot of good hard working men work for 20 yrs and retire and get pensions and have good quality lives....but if this man would have settled for this could we call it a successful! life. We will never know the story goes on . This man worked his way up ...went to night school at night got his bachelors in business and went into middle management. Once again job well done nobody would have ever faulted this man for just accepting life with the Jones's but the story for this man does not end in middle management he kept going he had a dream a vision and a goal and plan to achieve it. As time goes on he gets some recognition see he was talented as well but more then talented he was faithful!. I would wager he never called in sick. I would wager he worked every overtime hour given even after he was on salary. After a long and successful! career as a corporate executive Jack Welch became the CEO of general electric....Now knowing the end of the story do you think the guy who hired him and stuffed him in the mailroom would have done the same thing...more over if Jack Welch had not been put into the mailroom do you think he would have been such a great CEO. Who knows? What we do know is this that Jack Welch was faithfull never quit. When other companies called and offered more money he stayed when his wives divorced him (which happened six times) he never took a day off ..See he understood its a dog eat dog world and he was wearing milk bone underwear and doing good yesterday means nothing today. He was not content with just being good. What I take from this as a man is there is something to be said for just being on time every where I go. For just doing my job I am given to the best of my ability and for plowing through walls and obstacles and not allowing the body or mind divert me from my destiny.

Sadly what happens in allot of companies and churches is we see talented men and women and think we can obtain long-term success with them ... and in some cases this holds true because they are faithful but in allot of cases with these companies the lure of a quick buck the cash in and dash mentality takes over and we get too focused on the now and we marry our ministry and business to people who we have no clue about their faithfulness what so ever...because a man talks good he is on stage right a way the poster of a ministry ...because a guy has the gift to gab we put him in high pressure closing situations ...what is wrong with scrubbing some toilets to build trust reputation,. one of my Heroes in the faith Pastor Ruben Gonzales told me a story that he was a volunteer praise and worship leader at a Church in Texas but was also the churches Janitor. He worked hard stayed faithful and eventually turned that volunteer position into a paid staff position...and now he is the director of the Phoenix Dream Center and runs a ministry for troubled families and needy people called Adopt a Block...he did not just land there by accident first he was Faithfull over that toilet he was told to scrub...it is this example ol having the vision even when you don't have the path that keeps me going today....! am not sure how God is going to get me from point A to point B but I do know this my mission today is just to be faithful to point A. I want to be the most faithful point A guy alive. The bible says Jesus Christ was faithful even unto death. When you look at things from that perspective what’s a toilet to clean huh. If it will produce greatness in me today I am willing to scrub toilets just like my Pastor did.

Manhood and Christlikeness are Synonymous

Webster’s definition of synonymous is equivalent or similar in meaning, ! believe the heart of the statement is better represented in equivalency. Our goal as men should never be similarity with Christ but we should strive to not just identified with Christ but known with his name stamped on our fore head. To achieve this goal we must know exactly what kind of man Christ was Mark 10:45 best describes our saviors heart . The son of man came not to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many. In contemplating what to write I had to ask myself what is it about Christ do I portray. Is it the time he drove the people from the temple . Or when he went counter culter and healed a man on the Sabbath....how about the time he sat with sinners and ate dinner with them ...or how he chose tax collectors and fishermen to be his best buddies. My favorite one though is when he discovered the men were going to kill the woman who was caught in the very act how he displayed strength love and compassion in the same breath defused and mesmerized the crowd gathered there to witness and take part in the execution of woman found guilty of violating law punishable by death. And he simply said go and sin no more.

To be Christ like we first have to know who Jesus Christ is . Modern ideology depicts a feeble blond haired blue eyed Jesus effeminate and soft hanging on a cross who chose to not fight. The bible depicts a man much different, The bible depicts a man who fought to the last breath ...in His words Forgive them they know not what they do. What power what love what strength displayed that Satan could not break him His love was given without repentance or excuse and he refused to exchange it even for His own life. We can just focus on His death the brutality one could argue that being scourged by the centurions was the final temptation of Christ ..being a man tempted in all ways the bible says yet found without sin don't you think he was tempted as the cat of nine tails whipped his back don't you think he wanted to just blast those fools call down some warring angels and begin to break some necks ....no instead the night before he chose to break bread with his betrayer and even allowed a kiss to be the way he was identified....an act of love.

What endurance what passion what love. What an unattainable idea that we could be like Christ. I am nothing but a coward in my own right. Definitely not a victim of sin but a committer of it.

I hope that one day I can be a real man like Jesus!!!!

God did not call anyone to live a crucified life but a resurected life

To me there is nothing worse or more pathetic then a grumpy Christian or a constantly depressed Christian. Every time you ask them how they are doing they respond with a ton of reasons why life sucks. Don't get me wrong we all are subject to depression from time to time and lets face it life can and will kick our butts from time to time. But being a Christian does not make me a social martyr ever. Do I face attacks you bet I do....I am man too ....I have been plagued by L.I.F.T.M. my whole life. But giving up premarital sex and all forms of fornication does not make me a victim it makes me a victor.

Look at Christ. He knew his whole life his end . He knew his destiny, lols what would have it looked like for Him to walk around and in the Church every time someone asked Him how it is going or what’s up. He responded with this sorry response of well you know I got this thing I got to do for all mankind. You know the look of depression and defeat. His shoulders slumped over. His head hanging low. His voice wimped up. Yea I got to go get crucified and boy it sucks, lols. Might I add it did weigh on His mind from time to time . You know it bugged Him too. But what was his actions instead of body language of a loser ....He walked in His resurrection before it took place.  He knew he was called to the cross but lets face it His ultimate destiny was in the resurrection. What is the point of the cross without resurrection. Without resurrection what you have is another tool of murder period. But with the resurrection we have the victory...but that resurrection had to take the trip to the cross. To me it is His life before the resurrection and crucifixion that we should draw from. His life on this Earth was lived completely victoriously in love and healing everywhere he went.

When challenges come our way when life’s trials come our way how is that we respond. It is in our response that tells not just us and our friends and family but it tells our God where our faith is as well. When Jesus was being questioned by Pilot why do you think He stayed silent. Because it was his confidence in what was to come following the crucifixion...it was already done He was already resurrected. In eternity which is the only clock He lived by .

So what does this look like. Well when life takes a dump on us we need to continue those activities which we know are led by the spirit the ones that benefit others more then us. Outreaches, teaching classes, mentoring ect. and sharing and proclaiming the victory as if it was allready done. Not walk in crucifixion but in the resurrection. Which puts the enemy on notice it says look sucker you aren't anything to me it is written before the beginning of time that I will prevail and have prevailed over addictions of all kinds against the strife that plagues me ..it no longer does. It says in all authority and dominion that In the name of Jesus game over

Sometimes its best to just let the statistics speak for themselves.

Statistics on Pornography, Sexual Addiction and Online Perpetrators

PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION STATS

PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION AND INDUSTRY STATISTICS

As of 2003, there were 1.3 million pornographic websites; 260 million pages (N2H2, 2003).

The total porn industry revenue for 2006: $13.3 billion in the United States; $97 billion worldwide (Internet Filter Review).

U.S. adult DVD/video rentals in 2005: almost 1 billion (Adult Video News).
Hotel viewership for adult films: 55% (cbsnews.com).

Unique worldwide users visiting adult web sites monthly: 72 million (Internet Filter Review).

Number of hardcore pornography titles released in 2005 (U.S.): 13,588 (Internet Filter Review).

Adults admitting to Internet sexual addiction: 10%; 28% of those are women (Internet Filter Review).

More than 70% of men from 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month (comScore Media Metrix).

More than 20,000 images of child pornography posted online every week (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, 10/8/03).

Approximately 20% of all Internet pornography involves children (National Center for Mission & Exploited Children).

100,000 websites offer illegal child pornography (U.S. Customs Service estimate).

As of December 2005, child pornography was a $3 billion annual industry (Internet Filter Review).

"At a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers who attended said the Internet played a significant role in the divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases. Pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago." (Divorcewizards.com)

CHRISTIANS, PASTORS AND CHURCH PORNOGRAPHY STATISTICS

A 1996 Promise Keepers survey at one of their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event.

51% of pastors say cyber-porn is a possible temptation. 37% say it is a current struggle (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001).

Over half of evangelical pastors admits viewing pornography last year.

Roger Charman of Focus on the Family's Pastoral Ministries reports that approximately 20 percent of the calls received on their Pastoral Care Line are for help with issues such as pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.

In a 2000 Christianity Today survey, 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a sexually explicit Web site. Of those who had visited a porn site, 53% had visited such sites “a few times” in the past year, and 18% visit sexually explicit sites between a couple of times a month and more than once a week.

29% of born again adults in the U.S. feel it is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior (The Barna Group).

57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005).

STATISTICS ON WOMEN WITH PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION

 28% those admitting to sexual addiction are women (internet-filter-review.com).

34% of female readers of Today's Christian Woman's online newsletter admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn in a recent poll and 1 out of every 6 women, including Christians, struggles with an addiction to pornography (Today’s Christian Woman, Fall 2003).

STATISTICS ON PORNOGRAPHY'S EFFECT ON FAMILIES AND MARRIAGES

47% percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home (Focus on the Family Poll, October 1, 2003).

The Internet was a significant factor in 2 out of 3 divorces (American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2003 - divorcewizards.com).

STATISTICS ON CHILD PORNOGRAPHY USE

9 out of 10 children aged between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, in most cases unintentionally (London School of Economics January 2002).

Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography: 11 years old (Internet Filter Review).

Largest consumer of Internet pornography: 12 - 17 year-old age group (various sources, as of 2007).

Adult industry says traffic is 20-30% children (NRC Report 2002, 3.3).

Youth with significant exposure to sexuality in the media were shown to be significantly more likely to have had intercourse at ages 14 to 16 (Report in Pediatrics, April, 2006).

"Never before in the history of telecommunications media in the United States has so much indecent (and obscene) material been so easily accessible by so many minors in so many American homes with so few restrictions."
 - U.S. Department of Justice, Post Hearing Memorandum of Points and Authorities, at l, ACLU v. Reno, 929 F. Supp. 824 (1996).

STATISTICS ON ONLINE PERPETRATORS

1 in 7 children who use the internet have been sexually solicated - 2005. (Internet Filter Review)

1 in 4 kids participate in Real Time Chat. (FamilyPC Survey, 2000).

1 in 5 children (10 to 17 years old) receives unwanted sexual solicitations online (Youth Internet Safety Survey, U.S. Department of Justice, 2001).

2 in 5 abductions of children ages 15-17 are due to Internet contact (San Diego Police Dept.).

76% of victims in Net-initiated sexual exploitation cases were 13-15, 75% were girls. "Most cases progressed to sexual encounters" - 93% of the face-to-face meetings involved illegal sex (Journal of Adolescent Health, November 2004).

The Higher the Gloss the Cheaper the Merchandise

This is a unique principle that I read in a book. Recently I read a series of books that impacted my life greatly to the point my life will never be the same. Throughout the course there were some re occuring themes ..we called them Coleisms since Ed Cole wrote them or coined them. I will say this the books were written by a man but definately ordained and annointed by the Lord himself. As I plowed through the course like a rabbid dog and ate up the books I noticed somethings I began to take vivid notes. I also tried to look at each theme or principle from a unique perspective. This one stuck out to me the most. But I could never write about or discuss it. The Lord was waiting for a day like today to reveal its meaning to me. In discussion about this concept it was obviouse to some that ED COLE was warning men about woman who wear too much makup or about things they would purchase in life. Or about a house that one might buy and pay too much for. And so on. 

But the underlying conviction of the Holy Spirit is this What about me is too much gloss. What about what I am doing needs to be shed. What relationships do I place to much value in. See when God gives me a word it is usually not about other people and actually 100% about me. And it allways edifies even if painfull to hear. What has been gloss in my life. Well walking around like everything is peachy when it is not is one. Let me alaborate. There is a common overused phrase it goes like this," How are you today?" The common programmed sunday school answere is blessed and highly favored or just fine thanks. I am guilty of using those two Christian catch phrases to the extreem abuse. There are times honestly when I struggle. I have had dreams of using drugs (not my fault my brain is trying to cope with something deeper.) I battle with forgiveness and unforgiveness. (that is a huge red flag) and I am a habbitual sinner who has to fend off feelings of guilt and condemnation for my behaviour that should have ended long ago. I have sewed gossip into peoples lives and idol talk so inreturn i recieve gossip and idol talk. It wieghs me down. But on certain days at certain times I have been guilty with puting on the Gloss hoping nobody sees through it so I can begin to advance "my cause" in the Kingdom . That has to go.

Then there is this other phrase....the most overused statement by Christians everywhere I love you. Man I cannot walk through the halls of the church without hearing about 300 I love yous . Now look I am not judging 300 different people who say I love you to me. What I am judging is my self for instantly replying back that I love you too brother. When there are times I am only saying this to shut someone up. This might seem harsh to you. But imagine the conviction the Lord brought into my life. There are people who actually care about me who I have not showed one bit of interest as of being a freind to yet I tell them I love them. What part of Gloss is that. My heart was broken today by my own behaviour. By my own actions. The bible says that the Devil is the accuser of man ...well today I had no choice but to confess I am screwed up. Sometimes despite being sober and blessed and married I am scared to recieve love. I am scared to open up and just enjoy blessings. It is not anyones fault it is my insecurity. 

There is one last thing one last phrase its called its ok or I forgive you. How many times have I said that because it felt right at the moment only to a day later know in my heart I have no clue how to forgive a person and I need Gods help for this. That is sin. Gloss is sin and it must be dealt with. I am broken and actually tore down to my foundation today and very sad but I have hope because when shaken my foundation stayed in tact because my life is actually built on the Name of Jesus and His Word. So I reciieve the rebuke I got today and recieve my discipline and recieve the grace and mercy that comes with it. 

I am sharing with you all this because it is my beliefe Christians might need to shed the mask from time to time. If we see someone we don't like I am not saying to go tell that person you don't like them but we may need to ask the Lord for supernatural Power to begin to appreciate that person. When we open our mouth and ask How are you doing and you here someone tell you the canned christian positive confessions try asking no really how are you doing and touch their arm and say I really want to know . And then say oh yea why share with me because right now I could use a good praise report. And actually allow God to minister to you through their praise report ..that is a lost art appreciating someone elses success and blessings. Most of the time atleast for me I am not appreciative of Gods hand moving unless its on my behalf. that is just selfish. I am challenging you to actually do love do relationship with excellence not just skim through a Pastor Luke admonishment but to allow it to peirce your heart with the word of the Lord today. I need a ton of forgiveness so its time to give some too .. thanks

Praying For A Fight!

Recently the I have been having these reocuring thoughts that we are in a War. And in this War peoples lives litterarly and figurativly are at stake. Marriages are being gutted. In the Church alone the divorce rate mirrors the worlds. In alot of areas it would seem that we as believers are not gaining territory but losing some. (As a whole) It would seem that is. In my life without knowing it I have been used by saten as a tool or weapon for evil. I have participated in pornographic behaviors. I have been violant and to the point of incarciration. I have been a career thief and a fraud. The list would and could go on and on. 

I have been praying for a fight. For the Lord to reveal to me what my purpose calling and where I belong in this war now that I am fighting with the good guyes. I am very carefull to because I have seen fellow beleivers act on emotion and start things without completing them and go foreward without Gods blessing and fail. I have also seen passion misguide people especially when dealing with political issues or laws or amendments ect. And the very influence God gave them to use to build and enlarge the kingdom is being used to alienate and build a barrier for people to enter. Observing this take place over the past two yrs and studying the word I have noticed a bold contrast between the way Jesus walked this earth and the way that some times even I do. Jesus came and did not seek to change laws but fullfill them. Jesus came and met with a govenor but did not push his agenda on him with words but simply stayed silent and lived out his agenda thru execution. Jesus came went into villages and townships that had the sickest and the outcast from their societies And he healed them and ministered love to them. He also gave his deciples a platform to stand on and something to stand for . Holyness. I have been totaly convinced that Jesus Christ would have not engaged in modern day politcs but would have preached the same messages today that He did then. I do beleive though He did not die in veign and did not call Christians to be victoms and wimps. And on that cross suspended in time and space I know for certain He birthed a fight in each believers stomach with a time clock and an alarm too alert that person that Its time. This is what He would say,"I created you for such a purpose and in a time such as this NOW FIGHT". 

The other day waking in the morning with my wife mine went off and I heard those words. My wife and I go on a three mile walk each morning now and on this walk we discuss things of the day and issues we need to face. On the corner of 19th ave and unionhills across the street from the circle k I noticed nothing unusual nothing out of the ordinary . Newspaper dispensors. Newstimes car and trader I am sure we all have seen those right. Well in one newspaper box there is a puplication I am too familiar with . I used to purchase this paper and read the articles and whatever. This paper is called the bacholors beat. Its a publication that uses odd news to promote a sexual agenda. It uses pictures of transvestite prostitutes in the back dressed in womans underwear and clothing to pervert the image of a woman and encourage evil sexual exploration. It uses the personal adds for common people with sick and twisted desires to ask for help fullfilling them (you can actually meet people who will do sexual favors in this paper) and then there is the blatent call girl escort adds. Where you can call a lady and pay for sexual favors. 

I know what most people would ask," what gives" why even entertain this disgusting paper with your thoughts. Well there was a time when my lifestyle lived without boundies and those boundries began being pushed as a young boy. This paper is not behind a store counter or in a bookstore or a strip club that you have to be 18 or over to enter it is out on the corner of every circle k parking lot in the city just about and it is there by the bus stops where kids get on and off the bus and is available to childeren of any age with 50 cents. I beleive this is a fight Jesus would have engaged in and is a fight worthy of pursuing because it is the innocents of small kids. The war being waged is for the demand to rise either for righteousness or sexual debachary and it is being waged in the minds of boys who are as young as 12. The void is in the kids who are not in homes who are beleivers but are searching for a void designed by God to be filled. And what I have learned is Porn and sexual debachery is a form of idolatry. The enemy some how has found a way to promote his agenda without any recourse . Till now. 

I would like someone to give me some advise . I will do all the work. I just would like to know how someone like me can make a difference in getting these newspapers and ones just like it out of the reaching distance of our young people. To protect their minds from being scared for life and possably doing damage to their lives that leads to death. It only takes one kid to call a prostitute that advertises in their and get aids. 

Staying together against all odds. A love story of Dave and Donna.

            To be in a long term relationship that last past ten yrs in our day and age is more of an exception then the rule for my generation. However before there was instant popcorn and minute rice people actually stayed together. What that takes is nothing short of a miracle today. In searching this out I have to be honest I only know of a couple of couples actually doing this. What I mean by doing this is doing life. Living life enjoying life and against all odds staying together come hell or high water.

            Dave and Donna have been together for 21 yrs. If you just take an external glimpse at them you will find the most amazingly happy couple that you have ever met. But that happiness only tells part of the story, it’s the journey there or the quest if you will that brings out the amazing miracle that has them sitting at a restaurant overlooking the ocean every night for dinner. Walking their dog Baxter on the beach just appreciating each other finally for all the simple little things that many take for granted. They are one. In fact for much of this interview they answered in unison almost on queue at least half the questions .And never once did they have a different answere. This is a result that only longevity gives. Staying together. This is their story

            June 12, 1991 Dave worked two jobs and in-between shifts he would stroll into the café that Donna worked at and drink coffee. Donna was a career waitress and she was fast and very beautiful so Dave naturally was drawn to her side of the café. This went on for some time until one day Dave decided to do something to get her attention he bought flowers. In fact he bought flowers every day and made a point of doing this until Donna caved in and went on a date. Dave is the proud father at this time of two children David Jr. and Joan Marie. His life to say the least is not a road map to success at this time. Several yrs of drug addiction. 3 failed marriages that were legal two others that weren’t. And a ton of battle wounds that only a life of war can bring. Donna brought with her 2 kids as well Dorein and Michael . Her life was based on consistency, Knowing what tomorrow brings and overcoming situations not being overcome by them. Her previous relationships though too not of any fault of her own brought lots of pain to her life. She was abused mentally and physically and eventually left to raise her children alone. However I would like to add she did not ever let her circumstance prevent her from chasing her dreams she was a homeowner and on a waitress salary that is nothing short of a miracle…I just thought I would applaud her for that. (kind of prejudice she’s my step-mother ) But as you can see the life’s situations for both were not relationship convenient t if both were ever into taking advise at this point nobody would have ever recommended them to be in any kind of dating situation let alone live with someone. So miracle one Donna accepted Dave’s invitation and they began to court or date.

            Religious beliefs have always been a driving factor for Dave. Despite his life’s record this man is a fervent believer in Jesus Christ. To the point that living with Donna for nearly two yrs without being married crushed his soul. He could not take it any more and had to move out. It was during this 30 day stretch that Donna realized how much she loved Dave. Depended on him for encouragement and emotional stability. When he returned to the home they were now Mr. and Mrs. Freeman. This is miracle #2 because Donna did not believe in marriage.. a marriage certificate was to her a phony piece of paper...To Dave it was a covenant binding agreement with God.

            Family history is a huge player in social dynamics. Both Dave and Donna come from a long line of traditional marriages where divorce never happened. Dave’s parents were married for 44 yrs when Dave’s Dad passed on. Donnas 55 yrs. So what gives why is it so hard for people of our generation to stay together. TD Jakes says it best we live in a click it and get it society everything happens now instantly we don’t have to wait for the paper we got the news streamed live to our phones 24hrs a day 7 days a week. Our culture is bombarded with information and societal change. The girls on TV and the guys on TV are portrayed as hotter then what we have walking around the average town.  These aspects spawn and nurture a grass is greener mentality. So when we don’t get what we want out of situation weather it be a job or a friendship we get rid of it and find another. Take homeownership this is an example of this cancerous mentality. It used to be that Americans did not just finance homes we owned them outright. Look nobody owns their homes anymore even people buying them are doing just that buying them and when the roof leeks it goes on the market and the search begins for a new home. A greater financial burden due to over spending on the credit cards financing two cars and what not means both people are responsible to make an income this is a tragedy on several levels. First off both are around a lot of the opposite sex constantly. This also spawns office marriages their called. The worst consequence is the children don’t see a solid family model they are eventually exposed to divorce and remarriage and divorce again. In Maricopa County the divorce rate is all together at 70% this was not the case in our parents’ generation. So Dave and Donna both were privileged to see proper home living modeled. Look the same problems we have today were going on then. This generation did not invent adultery it did not invent spousal and child abuse but this generation did invent no fault divorce for 79 bucks.

            The main thing that they both resoundingly said was a key was that all relationships are to be a model of Christ’s relationship to the world and to Himself (trinity principle) perfect love, ultimate forgiveness, and harmonious communication. The ultimate goal is to get closer to each other by each other getting closer to God. The focus of previous generations and that of Dave and Donna is not one of self but of God then the other party. The vision is what can I give not what is in it for me. To get this Dave says we have to understand that we are human none of us are perfect. So taking the focus off Donna allows him to let God focus on changing him. Which makes her happy and that makes him happy. Dave also went on to say that it takes purpose and discipline to be deliberate about this kind of love.  And utter transparency and honesty at all costs. Dave and Donna have beaten all the odds but if you hear them tell it …God did it all for them.

Dave’s final words were to me to enjoy life’s simple moments and let the big ones take care of them self. And always trust God.

the day my life ended and the new beginning

The Day My life Ended

            Worn-out, tired, exhausted, and hopeless filled with fear , were just a few of the

words that  would describe the way I felt the night I decided to use Chrystal Meth.

Divorce is a living hell for everyone involved. I can tell you for certain that even in the

best divorce there are no winners. 66% of all marriages end up in divorce in our country.

In a marriage kids are born out of love to unify the husband and wife. In a divorce the

children become weapons of mass destruction and judges decide who get the kids and for

what length of time. In a marriage people have children and don’t count the cost. In a

divorce every penny is weighed every item priced and the kids are assigned dollar igures.

            Regrets, we all have them what if I only did this. What if I never did this. The one

thing I learned about marriage the first time around is nobody actually knows anything

until they are right smack in the one they have. It is a beautiful example of  baptism by

fire. There are mistakes made that cause divorce then the mistakes made

during the divorce. It too is something that nobody can speak to another about till they go

through it themselves and like marriage non of them are the exact same. I remember

sitting alone on some grass in a park asking God to kill me and take me off this planet the

day I got news my divorce was immanent. I remember the words clear as a bell, “David I

met someone two weeks ago , I love him and I am going to spend the rest of my life with

him.” My heart was ripped out of my chest and it was in her hands pumping like a Bruce                                                                                                           

Lee movie. I was by far not a great husband but I loved my wife.  There was not one fiber                                                                                                                 

of being in my life that did not love her and crave her. I made a ton of mistakes that led

up to this decision that she made to have an affair. I am not letting her off the hook for er

choices but lets face it there were some things that turned out real ugly that might have

contributed to her looking elsewhere for her identity, security and love. For her on that

day it was a new beginning. For me hell and torment were just beginning.

            It was the summer of 2005. Sunny slope in a halfway house, or a biker flop house.

The environment of the house was extremely drug friendly. There was somebody

everyday there buying and using drugs. Fast Eddie was the house manager. He told me

the day I moved , he said,” Don’t get the cops called that’s the only rule, other then that I

have no rules.” I cannot believe I still I stayed. I did not plan on being there long .One

month turned into two . Two months turned into three. Before I knew it I was there 5

months. Over time I began to notice the people in the house seemed to not have a care in

the world. Every day the mad scramble was only for where were they going to come up

with 40 bucks between them to get high. And the cares of my world were crashing all

around me. I actually envied them. It was common to be walking through the house and

be offered meth. Sometimes there would be 10-15 people in the house all with their eyes

bugged out, and nose running talking fast. There was Porn on every tv and people

discussed things like masturbation very freely.

            On this particular evening I was really down. There were nightmares that were

creeping into my daily routine. My work performance was suffering, and honestly I was

just tired of being depressed and wanted to experience some happiness. A guy in the

house came in my room and poured out what looked like an awe full lot of stuff. My

mirror was off my wall and was taking up my whole bed. His hands were extremely

sweaty his hair was greasy greasy and his voice was cracking while he spoke to me. It was obvious to me he was already high. I remember thinking while he crushed the dope on the mirror and created four lines  that I hoped and prayed I would not end up like him.

Unshowerd unshaved dirty and with a ton of involuntary body movements. He herked and jerked and twitched his neck and would not stop chewing his bottom lip.

            Looking back at the situation there was no passion there was no natural draw there was no craving. I for all intensive purposes did not care if I got high or did not get high. I did not care for the ability my roommates had of not caring about hygiene or missing teeth. I viewed myself as very strong minded. I had overcome a lot already in life. Being hit by a car, molested, being kicked out of my parents house at 15 and forced out on my own, alcoholism and a failed business. Now this divorce too. I had kind of wrapped myself into a victims mentality where things just kept happening to me in my mind but I was able to overcome them. This also gave me the false confidence that I was going to be able to manage the use or lack of use of  meth, BECAUSE I WAS DIFFERETNT. Those were the words that I went into this moment in time saying to myself. I AM DIFFERENT. I grew up around drugs. I watched my father waist his life with a straw in his nose. I watched completely straight men grow boobs and dress like women and become actual prostitutes to get dope. The environment of my childhood was not much different then this house. That is probably why I felt so comfortable there.                                                                                                                

“It’s your turn superman“. “Batter up.” I can imagine those words being said by

the devil as I put the straw to my nose. The edges were sharp and it cut me as I put it in

my nose. I placed my finger on one side of my nose the straw in the other and took a deep

breath through the straw. I watched the meth disappear rapidly Then I felt the most

excruciating pain and burn I have ever felt in my life. It was like somebody took a lit

match and stuffed it up nose and walked off, and the fire would not be put out. I instantly

had tears just running from my eyes. I looked up and this guy was laughing his ass off at

me. He screamed,” YES !!!!!” Over and over again.  Still I felt nothing and  thought what

a joke. But within seconds my body began to get hot. I am not talking about a hot like a

summers day but hot like WOW I need an ice bath. I could feel the hair on my body as if

it were growing.  The air conditioner was on and the breeze was an incredible feeling not

because it was cool but it brought a sensation over my body that was intense. My mind

was racing I could not focus. I said to the guy. I need you to go now. Then I proceeded to

talk to him for the next hour without taking a breath.

            I was alone in my room high as akite for the first time I blinked it was 2 am I

blinked again and it was 815. I was supposed to be at work at 830. What would I do?

Everyone would know I was high . I would get fired if I went to work like this. I know, I

will call in sick. I have never missed a day of work and nobody will suspect anything . I

will spend the day coming down and go to work tomorrow. On that day my life ended I

never returned to work. A month later I was living homeless eating in food lines.  I had

taken a two yr hiatus from life. And the only thing that anyone could count of from me was that at some point in time I was going to get high during the day. My problems oh

yea those. I escaped them. Without conscience at first. But when I returned to life there

they were. Child support now 20,000 in the hole ..unpaid fines. I weighed 100 pounds                                                                                                            

barely and the voices and nightmares that I once heard while sleeping found there way I

into my life regardless. That was the worst day of my life. On that day my life ended.

            Our lives are about consequences and rewards and those are constructed by our

personal choices. I am so glad to say the story of my life did not end there. Yes it is true

that I spent  2,5 yrs as a homeless man. I have eaten out of dumpsters. I have bathed in

toilets. I have spent nights inside the theaters of adult bookstores just to stay warm and

safe. My life on drugs was a huge disaster but one that today I am so glad I have

experienced on many levels.   On May 17^th 2007 I gave my life to Jesus Christ and I made the right choice for the first time in my life to get help with my problems instead of trying to solve it alone. I entered the Phoenix Dreamcenter. That is where my healing began. I would like to share with you that it is not necessary for you to have to go through what I went through to appreciate your life you don’t ever have to do drugs not even once. A good friend once told me that wisdom is not just knowledge applied it is also knowledge learned through the experiences of others.  My road to recovery has been very difficult laced with relapse and craving. Sometimes I wake up at night and just feel so guilty or ashamed. These are the long-term consequences of my using  drugs just once, but I will tell you this I would not trade anything in the world for what I have today. I am married to an amazing woman who loves me and accepts me just the way I am. All screwed up at times . I have a support system of the worlds greatest friends. Yes!!!!                                                                                                   

            For me it’s all about hope and faith, and where I put it. It is never about me.  Life

is surely going to kick me in the pants again someday. That is apart of  living. And I am

sure going to make some mistakes and let some people down. That too is apart of living.

The point is I am living and I can’t expect to do great things and have great success if I

am not willing to endure the parts of life that are ugly. The next most important thing  I

have in my life today is a vision. A proverb says where there is no vision people parish.

Today I have vision. I have direction . I have goals and they are healthy goals and God

has placed me with the most amazing people to share those dreams and goals with.  So

for me today I keep it simple. Have and love great friends. Have extreme faith that is odd

to others. And lastly for me to stay successful at staying off of drugs I have to have vision

and people to share it with. God bless.

identity theft

Identity Theft

         

          The statistics are alarming. The damages are staggering. Identity theft is an epidemic from social security numbers to mortgages on houses. From names and drivers licenses to fortune 500 companies. From Wall Street to the suburbs. There is not one section of our country that identity theft has not affected. There is not one person that it has not affected either. The consequences for offenders are time in jail. But the consequences are carried by society by everyone. The prices of goods and services are affected. The decisions of the consumers are effected. With the confidence of the consumers the lenders and the sellers damaged it has played a huge roll in the down turn of our economy.  Here are some numbers. Recent identity theft statistics released by the FBI claims that 9.91 million Americans were identity theft victims and have experienced losses totaling $52.6 billion.

          Becoming someone else was never an ambition of mine. I mean in my dreams I was handsome successful popular and I was me. Where did it start? Truthfully I don’t know. I do remember a moment as a child where I was watching Randal Cunningham play on Monday night football and I remember He just signed what was at the time the richest contract ever with the Eagles and was considered by every expert the greatest athlete to ever play. He was at the peak of fame and popularity and I looked at my father and said Dad I wish I was him. Not Dad I want to be like him. I said Dad I wish I was him. I remember there were days as a kid were I would daydream about being someone else even in my family. I have this cousin his name is Chris. Chris was an incredible athlete. The chicks loved Chris. Every where he went people flocked too Chris and it appeared he was having a great life. Chris ran away from home sometime around 15 and never returned. I never knew why but I remember laying in my bed saying man what a dummy. I would play the scenario out in my mind that my life and his switched and how nice it would be to have both your mom and dad. How awesome it would be to have parents who were not on drugs. How cool it would be to have a bike that was not owned ten times already. To have cloths that was clean to wear to school. To have a coat period.  See to want to be Randall Cunningham is almost acceptable because he was like a super hero to me. But to fantasize about being my cousin and having his parents and his life is bizarre.

          Fast forward to my senior yr in high school. I am a bench player on the 4^th ranked basketball team in the state. My team was good. But unfortunately I was not. And man it did not matter how hard I worked. I would shoot for hours and hours. The guy who started ahead of me was Glenn McCloud. A gifted point guard all state recruited by schools in the Pac 10 and big 12 as well as the WAC and the list goes on. He was just around 6 foot tall and smooth. And this guy could shoot the rock. Well after the season was over our coach gave us all a highlight film of the yr. I watched it but I was only in like 2 plays so I did not really care about it too much.  Well one day I walked into my science class and there it was being played. Mr. Jacobs had put it on and for the class that day we were going to watch the highlights of my team that yr. Now Mr. Jacobs was one of my biggest supporters in life. He loved me and really encouraged me and rooted me on academically and made several exceptions in attendance and for my grades to keep me on the team. So to him my success was his success. Problem was I was not very successful. Anyways to make a long story short Mr. Jacobs actually thought all the plays with Glen in them were me. I was shocked at first and I wanted to say something but the other kids in the class were like gosh David I had no idea you were that good. There was even a guy on the team in the room who said Wow I don’t remember you playing that much nice job.  There compliments made me feel good.  I felt confident. And honestly I just felt like no harm no foul.  Mr. Jacobs felt proud of me the class respected me and nobody would ever know any better. That night I went home I put my tape in and I watched it and sure enough as clear as day anyone would mistake me for Glenn. So I got this idea I would send this tape to my dad and not say anything. Man I wanted my dad to be proud of me so so so bad. Not having him be apart of my life for those last three yrs was very difficult for me to endure. So I wanted to impress my father. So I sent him that tape under the presumption that the kid in all the highlights was me. On that day I committed my first identity theft. I became a fraud. Becoming someone else was not my ambition remember I had my own dreams goals and desires. But on that day I gave all them up for someone else’s. The cost of that decision and ramifications of that one decision would be felt for the next 25 yrs in my life. That decision set in motion the domino effect in my life. I would cheat here lie there and fudge on this over here. I blinked and one day I woke up to a wife who I married under the presumption that I was making 120,000 dollars a yr. I made good money but I did not like myself. I was not good enough. And just like in High school I worked harder then anyone at sales. And just like my mother used to tell me I wasn’t going to be good enough I had this boss who would constantly tear me down in private. I had months of great achievement followed by breakdown after breakdown. I was a binge drinker. I would make a lot of sales and disappear for a couple of weeks sometimes months.  Anyways the pressure to live up to a totally fake identity (not even someone else’s) was really making me crack. So I did it. I forged signatures. I forged checks. I re wrote contracts and I defrauded lenders. My lowest point has to be two ten dollar checks I tore out of my Cousin Cindy’s check book. One for gas the other for Dairy Queen. To this day I still owe 1500 dollars in fines for those two checks.

Eventually it all adds up. Eventually it all catches up. And eventually everyone has to pay the piper. My day had come. I could not take anymore. I cracked. I took a large check and forged it deposited it into the bank and withdrew all the cash and left town. All the stuff I did wrong. All the people I screwed over had gotten the best of me. I got on a bus running from life and responsibilities. I had no clue who I was I had no clue where I was going and for the first time in my life I was legitimately all alone.

The greatest toll of identity theft fell square on the shoulders of three little boys. Who were there everyday saying Daddy Daddy Daddy. They did not care how much money I made. They did not care about anything see I had an identity I was daddy.

Now let me say this again it was never my intention to be someone else. I had my own dreams my own goals my own desires. But that was long ago. I am not sure where the transfer took place but I am certain of one thing there was a transfer. I had transferred my identity for one of the devil. Everyone has an inner voice. Mine always said there’s no way your going to be able to do this. Mine always said your not good enough why bother.  I was just scared. I was so so so alone.  And I did not cope at all with my issues or ask for help.  I gave up before the game ever started. So I can tell you I had a huge roll to play in the epidemic. But the true identity that was stolen was more valuable then an Electrolux vacuum or a car I purchased on fake paystubs. The true identity that was stolen was the one in where David is good enough. Where David has a purpose. Where David has a vision and a plan and a direction in life. And yes David is father and a husband and a good one too. He is accepted and sure there are disappointments but today David knows who he is and where he is. Today David is a mighty man of God. What did it take to find that out. What was the cost. Well it took someone to give up their identity and accept mine. Mine as a fraud mine as a deadbeat father. Mine as an adulterer and a wife beater. Mine as a junky. Mine as thief and a crook. Jesus Christ stole my identity and gave me His.

I remember the words so vividly. My mother had decided for a month when I was ten I could stay with her. She took that opportunity to remind me that I would not amount to anything that I was just like my father and he was a piece of you know what. I was ten and I just wanted to play little league that summer. And I was really good. But that was not acceptable. So she told me I was wasting my time. That I should be home cleaning the house and doing more chores washing dishes. Now don’t get me wrong chores are fine. But so is healthy competition. So is learning how to win and yes so is learning how to lose and accept failure and still know its ok.

 Fast forward to Day One of my recovery.  For the first time I hear that inner voice tell me something. It said good job. You did the right thing. It said I love you. It said it’s going to be ok.  It said abide in Me and I in you. It said I accept you just the way you are. Dirty messed up on drugs full of nasty thoughts from porn. It said I chose you from the foundations of the Earth and David you are my son and I love you. My intentions were not to ever become somebody else. Remember I had my own dreams my own goals my own desires. And my inner voice said lay them down and take mine. And I did. I successfully pulled of the greatest identity theft ever on that day and the consequences are felt my three boys who are once again apart of their daddy’s life and he is theirs. Whose wife is glad to see her husband every day.  And has a church that loves and adores him.  I am hid in Christ.

The road is difficult and it is not an easy road.  On each side of the road is the enemy and he is waiting for me to veer off . Waiting there lurking in the shadows and in the bushes to ambush me. The enemy wants to steal my identity again. Only this time I have nothing to prove. I only have to keep walking not looking to the right or the left. Just knowing I am on that lit path and the light that lights the path is shining from inside me. I know who I am today. I am a mighty man of God.