Staying together against all odds. A love story of Dave and Donna.

            To be in a long term relationship that last past ten yrs in our day and age is more of an exception then the rule for my generation. However before there was instant popcorn and minute rice people actually stayed together. What that takes is nothing short of a miracle today. In searching this out I have to be honest I only know of a couple of couples actually doing this. What I mean by doing this is doing life. Living life enjoying life and against all odds staying together come hell or high water.

            Dave and Donna have been together for 21 yrs. If you just take an external glimpse at them you will find the most amazingly happy couple that you have ever met. But that happiness only tells part of the story, it’s the journey there or the quest if you will that brings out the amazing miracle that has them sitting at a restaurant overlooking the ocean every night for dinner. Walking their dog Baxter on the beach just appreciating each other finally for all the simple little things that many take for granted. They are one. In fact for much of this interview they answered in unison almost on queue at least half the questions .And never once did they have a different answere. This is a result that only longevity gives. Staying together. This is their story

            June 12, 1991 Dave worked two jobs and in-between shifts he would stroll into the café that Donna worked at and drink coffee. Donna was a career waitress and she was fast and very beautiful so Dave naturally was drawn to her side of the café. This went on for some time until one day Dave decided to do something to get her attention he bought flowers. In fact he bought flowers every day and made a point of doing this until Donna caved in and went on a date. Dave is the proud father at this time of two children David Jr. and Joan Marie. His life to say the least is not a road map to success at this time. Several yrs of drug addiction. 3 failed marriages that were legal two others that weren’t. And a ton of battle wounds that only a life of war can bring. Donna brought with her 2 kids as well Dorein and Michael . Her life was based on consistency, Knowing what tomorrow brings and overcoming situations not being overcome by them. Her previous relationships though too not of any fault of her own brought lots of pain to her life. She was abused mentally and physically and eventually left to raise her children alone. However I would like to add she did not ever let her circumstance prevent her from chasing her dreams she was a homeowner and on a waitress salary that is nothing short of a miracle…I just thought I would applaud her for that. (kind of prejudice she’s my step-mother ) But as you can see the life’s situations for both were not relationship convenient t if both were ever into taking advise at this point nobody would have ever recommended them to be in any kind of dating situation let alone live with someone. So miracle one Donna accepted Dave’s invitation and they began to court or date.

            Religious beliefs have always been a driving factor for Dave. Despite his life’s record this man is a fervent believer in Jesus Christ. To the point that living with Donna for nearly two yrs without being married crushed his soul. He could not take it any more and had to move out. It was during this 30 day stretch that Donna realized how much she loved Dave. Depended on him for encouragement and emotional stability. When he returned to the home they were now Mr. and Mrs. Freeman. This is miracle #2 because Donna did not believe in marriage.. a marriage certificate was to her a phony piece of paper...To Dave it was a covenant binding agreement with God.

            Family history is a huge player in social dynamics. Both Dave and Donna come from a long line of traditional marriages where divorce never happened. Dave’s parents were married for 44 yrs when Dave’s Dad passed on. Donnas 55 yrs. So what gives why is it so hard for people of our generation to stay together. TD Jakes says it best we live in a click it and get it society everything happens now instantly we don’t have to wait for the paper we got the news streamed live to our phones 24hrs a day 7 days a week. Our culture is bombarded with information and societal change. The girls on TV and the guys on TV are portrayed as hotter then what we have walking around the average town.  These aspects spawn and nurture a grass is greener mentality. So when we don’t get what we want out of situation weather it be a job or a friendship we get rid of it and find another. Take homeownership this is an example of this cancerous mentality. It used to be that Americans did not just finance homes we owned them outright. Look nobody owns their homes anymore even people buying them are doing just that buying them and when the roof leeks it goes on the market and the search begins for a new home. A greater financial burden due to over spending on the credit cards financing two cars and what not means both people are responsible to make an income this is a tragedy on several levels. First off both are around a lot of the opposite sex constantly. This also spawns office marriages their called. The worst consequence is the children don’t see a solid family model they are eventually exposed to divorce and remarriage and divorce again. In Maricopa County the divorce rate is all together at 70% this was not the case in our parents’ generation. So Dave and Donna both were privileged to see proper home living modeled. Look the same problems we have today were going on then. This generation did not invent adultery it did not invent spousal and child abuse but this generation did invent no fault divorce for 79 bucks.

            The main thing that they both resoundingly said was a key was that all relationships are to be a model of Christ’s relationship to the world and to Himself (trinity principle) perfect love, ultimate forgiveness, and harmonious communication. The ultimate goal is to get closer to each other by each other getting closer to God. The focus of previous generations and that of Dave and Donna is not one of self but of God then the other party. The vision is what can I give not what is in it for me. To get this Dave says we have to understand that we are human none of us are perfect. So taking the focus off Donna allows him to let God focus on changing him. Which makes her happy and that makes him happy. Dave also went on to say that it takes purpose and discipline to be deliberate about this kind of love.  And utter transparency and honesty at all costs. Dave and Donna have beaten all the odds but if you hear them tell it …God did it all for them.

Dave’s final words were to me to enjoy life’s simple moments and let the big ones take care of them self. And always trust God.