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The hardest thing to do again after a fall or after you have been hurt is to trust. Trust yourself that you won’t make those decisions again. Trust other people that they won’t do those things that hurt you again. The question I have for you today is if you can’t believe in yourself then who can you believe in? New age philosophy has worked its way into our church through counseling and book writing and it says that you have to believe in your self first. If you have ever been at a point of total aloneness with no faith in people or you I have news for you. That is exactly where Jesus Christ wants you. It is there that He can begin to build something new in you something permanent. Because believing in me and my abilities landed me in detox seven times after I got into recovery. Believing in me and believing that people won’t hurt me or let me down again actually led me to relapse. Let me be clear I make the choice. but we all have to realize weather your thing is drugs or something else we all turn to that other thing when our faith lets us down. So where is it that you put your faith this morning? Where is it that you build your house and what foundation?
When taking that first step out of the grave back into society, questions run through your head like I wonder who knows? I wonder what people will think? That is residual self centerness that drug addiction brings. See as drug addicts we lived in fear that people were watching us people would catch us being spied on being chased ect. Then when we get high its all about me the feeling the uforia the pleasure the escape all for me…totally self centered.. that same self centered mentality is the first obstacle to walking again after a relapse. The truth is people are not concerned at the levels we think they are. Weather you were in ministry or just attended a Church casually your relapse did not stop the world from turning and cause people to talk nor did it make the front page news. And even if it did make the news. take for instance that Pastor from Georgia
It is true other people might try to hold you to your fall. Make you walk in shame for a period of time and call it discipline or a period of restoration…those are fancy words for condemnation. Taking your first step out of the tomb of death of drug addiction or what ever your hang up is be thankful that those folks were upfront about their opinion and move on in love with people who love you still and are there for you in a positive way.
The Last thing we need after a fall is to attempt to get back up from a relapse and then end up falling into bitterness and unforgiveness towards people. I have been in that exact spot. I relapsed like I said now seven times. It wasn’t until the seventh time that I realized it does not matter what this person thinks of me when I walk back into the Church. But it’s the condition of my heart that matters most when I get alone with God. People will judge and judge on a scale that we know is not right but let it go. Love them anyways. I am sure there are times when we all have done that very thing to others. Take your fall and turn it into one giant victory story for the Lord. By the way getting defensive and going off or trying to explain only makes us look worse. Be still as my friend Lian Su told me one time. Know that He is Lord and He alone is your redeemer. Sure truth be told there are people who attend Church who are leaders are on that list. Who cares should be your response. God is the discerner of their hearts get concerned for yours. Let God do His work in your life. And allow Him to extend grace to those people.
I spent so much time discussing bitterness and peoples reactions because it’s a huge area of concern. All of us at least who are or have been drug addicts usually are fueled by bitterness and unhealthy conflict. We don’t like being judged we want to be accepted but we need to learn balance with these emotions so that when people who are very human. From the Pastor to the guy or gal next to in line at Wendy’s does or says something messed up to you or about you we don’t get spiraled out of control back to the dope house or booze barn. I say pastors because we tend to hold them on a pedestal like they don’t sin or gossip or give in to peer pressure. Don’t be fooled by titles and mesmerized by position. People will inevitably let you down regardless of stature. That’s why I spent so much time discussing this. We could probably right a book about this very subject and it would not emphasize the point enough.
The 5 things to do just after a fall
#1 repent. Accept your responsibility – Nobody made us do dope. Nobody put a gun to our heads and said slam this junk into your arm. We did that. Nobody said smoke this. We did all that. So accept that don’t blame it on anything.
#2 forgive yourself right away. Release yourself from the sin because at your point of repentance Christ did too. And it does not matter if it’s your 100th time. Do it and do it boldly.
#3 get accountability right away. You are not designed to go through recovery alone. Find 1 person who has been where you are and loves you and make them your accountability partner. Not a person who just loves you…that won’t work they have to have been exactly where you have been. They have to know the symptoms and signs and be able to call you on your junk. Other people despite great intentions won’t notice what I notice or another ex junky notices. It helps to have had like addictions but that in itself isn’t necc. addiction is addiction . A guy or gal in recovery lives in a relapsed state of mind long before they act it out.
#4 Now this is debated from person to person and Church to Church but I believe this some of us (not me yet) but some of us are fortunate enough to experience complete deliverance from all the bondage that came with using drugs and alcohol. I experienced that with alcohol and cigarettes. I quit cold turkey with no withdrawals. But with Meth. I have craved fantasized at times the whole time I have been in recovery. I believe I am healed. But my brain remembers the pleasure of the dope and the euphoria of a high long ago one I have not felt in yrs but have chased ever since. This is a residual effect of using dope. Its not a curse its not a demon, I am not damaged goods and neither are you. But we are in need of honesty not phony spirituality. So definitely keep seeking God for that complete deliverance but until you receive it find a meeting. The meeting will place you in direct contact with people who have experience you can draw from. But the best thing it does is as you heal it places you in direct contact with people who need your help your story and your experience. Give away what you want my pastor says. If you want love give love. If you want compassion be compassionate. If you want healing help someone get there’s. I want healing so I go and I write this blog hoping someone who reads this will be encouraged to keep going. Give it away. Become a funnel of love and compassion to hurting people and watch your healing come. The only time I feel completely at peace and at home is when I am sharing my story. Its there I realize what I was created to do. Share yours. Start here if you choose but begin to share. Meetings are great places to start. Find one.
#5 where ever God put you what ever fellowship you belonged to before the fall you must return to that fellowship. God does not end anything on a negative and He would not author us to leave through shame and embarrassment…that’s not His M.O. go back press in and wait on the Lord. If you were in ministry step back a minute but just a minute regroup just attend clear your head then dive back in. Who cares what anyone thinks you don’t serve them You serve God so my last command is for you to smile and smile big. Because you survived God sustained you and it was for a glorious purpose. Good luck I love you and please drop a line or two from time to time. Lets edify
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