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Monday, July 18, 2011

THE LAST DAYS OF SODOM

The Last Days of Sodom

Patterns behaviors what we run to when the chips are down. When life gets ugly and sometimes yes when we are treated unfairly. For people like me and some of you who read this we know all to well how easy the fix is. What was once a harmless retreat into the recesses of the mind turns into obsession that will kill everything good. I have been very open and candid about my drug addiction because it brings me to a place of healing. The more people that know I struggle still even in my sobriety and recovery with thoughts and desires to retreat to the simple ways of life (meth). Is the more people who can help me and guard me and hold me accountable.

I have also written about the plight and desolation of our society as we know it from domestic violence from prostitution and human trafficking.. I have been pretty much on a soap box about issues that won’t be fixed simply by attacking the supply of  the sin. We are supposed to be on a mission to take out the demand. Starting with me.

I have challenged all who read my blog to consider the times we live in. How evil actually does prevail over good in our country. How men have become lovers of  themselves forsaking the truth for a lie. I have brought to the forefront in my blog issues that are not pulpit topics nor should they be. And I have challenged all of us to become better at loving the next closest person to us without prejudice or fear of rejection.


These are the LAST DAYS OF SODOM. And I believe there is a voice crying in the desert saying behold the KINGDOM OF GOD IS AT HAND!! It is the voice of a remnant few. The few that read the few that pray the few that reach out despite colossal failure rates despite appearing to lose the battle. I don’t believe the message of repent is one for the world in general today I believe it is for me and for you the believer. Are we like Sampson who slept with the enemy the very thing he was at war with. I think in some sense it is all of us.


Being in recovery is not just pinpointed to drug addiction or alcohol addiction. All you have to do to be in recovery is to have lost something which sin one sin committed puts all of us in the same boat. We all are in some form of recovery and we all in some way need that supernatural touch of Jesus to heal our land and our people.


There are things I did not write about as well and until now have never spoke of them. Like the rising unemployment rate. The decreasing value of the dollar aka yen. The fact that despite all the corrections and rate reductions property values are continuing to plummet and people are still being foreclosed and kicked out of their homes.  I have not ventured into the political arena and spoke about Gay marriage legal in six states. I have not talked about Medicare and social security crisis our country is in.  Have we not heard enough I think we are all desensitized to this message its like beating a dead horse. But yet look close brothers and sisters ..all these things we complain about we are guilty of. Yet we think we can brow beat the world with the Bible and make changes. Our actions should always and will always be louder then our words. We cannot continue to mix seed good and bad and plant it in soil and expect a great return.


I have written over the last yr of my blog about loving people. Reaching people because I need encouragement in that area. We are all hurt we are all wounded in some way. But its in our actions of love that Jesus said the world will know you are my deciples. Not in how well you pray in the Church or how elegant your testimony is spoken from the podium. Not in doing a million outreaches (but by all means continue to do them) but by your love for one another.

In the LAST DAYS OF SODOM there has to be something different about what we as Christians do if we are going to make a difference in our community family city town and in the world. We cannot just be the sounding board of change without being the vessel of loving the people we are called to change. Why is this such a hot topic for me? Because I have been guilty of doing nearly every sin known to man. I have committed sins of the social acceptable the ones we say were just human. And I have done the very grotesque and socially unacceptable. And I struggle with desires to go back to the old way of life nearly daily. What keeps me here is the love of God that was shed abroad in my heart starting with the people who met me in my junk and rejected me not. The people who loved me despite my drug addiction and the behaviors that accompanied it. What helps me continue to transform is the true discipleship of love that were all required to partake in both in giving and receiving.


Asking for help is never easy. Its easy sometimes to be fake and pretend everything is ok when its not. My ambition is to be accepted and trusted and you know what its healthy and good to strive for those things. But in the process of desiring to be accepted and trusted sometimes when I need help I have not gotten it out of fear of being judged or condemned.

Today I took a step in the right direction I am going to get the help that I need. At all costs I am going to stay sober and alive. And I am not ashamed to admit I skipped some things in my initial recovery because I wanted to fit in I wanted to be seen as healed and whole. And I placed my self into a denial state in some areas of my life to hide my shortcomings.


One of the first things I ever wrote said Recovery is a way its not to be taken lightly. And that is the realist thing I have ever written. That battle largely is waged in our minds. I am sharing this with you today because we have to be willing to be exposed like Christ on that Cross if were going to defeat the devil. The Last Days of Sodom are upon us. And I am not willing to be turned to stone because I keep turning back. 


I also expose this part of me because there are a lot of people in recovery who keep falling despite being saved. Despite all the public performance. I am not saying they all need intensive counseling like me but if you do don’t be afraid to admit to your self and seek it. Its time to heal once and for all.

I am making through this time in my life because I am willing to admit this and act on it. I am sober and alive because I have a great support system in place that loves me for me. I am so thankful there is solutions to problems today. And I am going to walk into the solutions. Thanks for reading this. I am going to take some time off from blogging. Because it is time to go back to square one and do things the right way for me.  I love you all for your support. While I am away please share anything I have written with other people who can benefit from this and please post praise reports and prayer requests on our DADDY SEES ALL WALL.  And don’t be afraid of change or crisis because its in these things Gods love and mercy are shinning the brightest.

Love you all.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

LIVING TO DEATH

Living to Death




Why continue to try? Why not give up? Shoot it is what people expect right. 70% of all marriages in my county end in divorce…Every tv show my wife and I watch is hosted by a homosexual..(which is designed by the enemy this way to soften our defenses and become more acceptance of that lifestyle) Crime is up ..the economy is getting worse not better (despite what you will hear during the election that is forth coming) People aren’t just losing their careers they are losing their homes and families. 51% of all evangelical Pastors in an anonyms survey confessed to be dealing with some sort of Porn obsession. Children are being molested abandoned and left to raise them selves by parents who have not caught on to the concept no matter how many incomes you have coming into the house it will never be enough…If you look close to the facts statements statistics and stances that I take you will be left to agree I am actually portraying it in a modest light.  What is it all for? Why continue to fight.

My wife and I went to a movie this Sunday. And it dawned on me that people spend more money at a movie theater then they put in their local churches offering plate…We spent 7.00 on popcorn 3.75 on a soda and 3.50 on goobers 15.00 to get in that adds up to roughly 30.00 Then we went in and we were assaulted by language and sexual innuendo one after another to the point where we had to leave 25 minutes into the movie.  We come home to watch tv and it’s a TV show with an ultra positive story line about people overcoming obesity and if you pay attention to the details in the show you will notice that the host is a homosexual and his friends in the show are homosexual. Without becoming totally facebook spiritual here I have to keep it real. Christians this is our fault.



Not because we did not write enough books because Lord knows we sure have done enough of that…Not because we did not put enough conferences on or make enough DVD series …or because we did not create the right variety of ministries …its because while we were sleeping at the wheel while we were watching porn cheating on our husbands and wives while we were working two full time jobs…while we were buying property painting the inside throwing some new shingle on and selling it for 4 times what we paid for it while we were busy being distracted by debating values and beliefs with people who have no morality (our state and fed god.)  We were not busy using our gifting in the arena God designed us to…We were not raising our kids and were still not we allow the TV to do so and by doing this our children are being raised by homosexuals and fairy tail princess and princes (the bachelorette) and reality tv that is anything but reality. While we were being enticed by ever greed and lust. We gave our country to Satan. While we were busy worried about an atomic bomb or the Taliban taking our country over while we were watching for this troll looking Staten to enter the room we were seduced by the smooth speaking silver tongued beautiful thing that gave us a lot of money and ability to indulge…we have been living to death.

Do you remember that part in the Matrix where the guy decides that reality sucks and he wants to go back in so he does and he says I know this isn’t a real steak but it sure tastes like one. And you can feel the bliss and pleasure as he takes a bite….

We have been duped. This is why I don’t watch tbn or daystar or prescribe to just anyone in a set of gator or snakeskin shoes with a silk suit. Because I am no dummy there is no place the enemy hasn’t infiltrated and I am not willing to compromise myself into listening to man any longer. Chasing man and his word like I did when I was a crack head on the street.  Pookie from New Jack City just give me a hit B. Sorry not me …


I am no longer living to death. Sure I watch TV go to the movies and I am going to keep my job and support my family but I am no longer whisked away by the charm and deceit of the enemy and when the Lord says move from my job I am out like last yrs federal budget…I make money today but I don’t serve it and im not a slave to it either. It is brought to me to be put to use by me not the other way around.  

I have hope because there are other people who believe like me that we don’t need more fake facebook updates that we post the latest cool phrase that we find on Google…that there are real people who are making the same changes I am and guess what they are all internal…they are not standing on a soap box at the state capital wasting our tax payer dollars trying to change a system that is destined to only bring death…and they are turning to their next closest association and doing acts of love to them…they don’t get bitter bear faced they are not negative. and when hell breaks lose instead of infighting they find ways to solve problems.

I think we have heard read and seen enough of the best that man has to offer…and now its time to listen to Gods bid on this job site. Let him clean up this mess and if were fortunate He just might use one of us in the process.




Friday, July 8, 2011

SHALOM

SHALOM

Sweats, chills, shortness of breath, light headedness , dizziness, lack of focus, lost sleep, memories and images of long ago. My attitude sucks I am grumpy irritable and want to isolate myself and be alone. I am becoming somewhat paranoid. Having delusional thoughts from time to time. As much as I try to fight them off they seem to make sense in all this. I have been going through this escapade for some time now. This is what I would call a colossal craving.


I am not one to make excuses nobody did this to me. I did this to myself. This is the price you pay when you think you can do drugs even one time and quit anytime you feel like it.  I have been fighting this addiction from relapse to relapse with one goal in mind to only fight it from craving to craving. Today is graduation day I guess huh. I have never in my life ever resisted anything this powerfull. Anyone who tells you that methamphetamines is not addictive is a liar. That was a myth I used to prescribe to. Yet look where I always end up when I use.  Last time I used I took pictures of a wall with my phone because I honestly thought there was writing on the wall for me and I wanted to prove I was not hallucinating …only I was hallucinating . I have blacked out several times lost lots of time that I cant account for. And this is me saying how lucky I am to maybe not remember anything.


Today I went to work I kept my job I preformed at a high level and still my mind was obsessed. This is not a plea for sympathy it’s a fact read this share this with your kids if you do drugs you might die. But for certain if you do drugs you will have to eventually go through exactly what I am going through. Its not a joke its not something to be taken lightly.  This is a regular battle that I placed my self in.


The most difficult thing I have to do in life is the simplest thing that I once did. Stay Sober. Once you cross the threshold of sobriety to insanity even once you will never be the same. Your life is forever altered and changed and there is nothing you can do about. But endure. Statistically speaking getting clean for the rest of your life would be an abnormality. Recovery from meth has a 98% failure rate. That saying that only 2% of people like me actually make it without using again.  I honestly don’t know anyone I have ever met who used meth even once who has ever maintained sobriety.


Sometimes the most effective thing you can do is hold on and pray cry and speak to the Lord. Its my sin that brought this on so Its my sin that is breaking my heart. I am just thankful today to be forgiven and justified and hid in Christ.  I am so thankful for the life the wife the job and the friends God has given me…what is so sad is in a moment with a lost focus I would throw it all away.  I am just being real here because I think for once someone has to. There is so many questions. I get an inbox message at least once a week with someone asking me how they can get clean stay clean or help a family member or friend. I can’t fake this any longer the truth is I don’t know. The only thing that I have found that works for me is putting myself on blast to my wife (who always loves and accepts me) to journal like I am now or to a good friend. There is something about confessing my weakness that takes the sting away from the enemies darts. But honestly people there is no fancy formula…If there was and I knew it I would not have went through what I went through this week.

We can say a lot of things in our testimonies. Look I grew up around drugs. I watched my loved ones do drugs and did drugs with them. I have sold drugs I have associated with almost every kinda of scum you can imagine and at one time I was that scum. I am no victom. None of us are. This is where in the boat storm raging rather then God calling out to stop the storm I am choosing to draw out and receive His peace. He did say get in the boat lets journey to the other side. And I am going to grit my teeth and endure this. I want what HE has for me on that other side. It aint a beauty pagent its life and I am in it for good. It might look ugly to someone out there but I hope my ugly can help atleast one person not do drugs. Thanks for reading this and caring about my life. Shalom

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

JOURNEY TO THE ABYSS

The Journey To The Abyss


Peace love joy charity tenderness kind heartedness think on these things and you won’t gratify or fulfill the deeds of the flesh. Each journey to the abyss of sin is always preceded by a thought. Each journey to the place of sin is always followed by some form of separation and death. Not the literal type but the type that still can leave you cold like a corpse but walking around in life.  There is a cost a steep cost a horrible price that is paid by all of us when we take that journey. Your journey might be different then my journey but the destination is all the same. 

Having a good preventative maintenance plan is very critical. Take myself. What do I do with the thoughts that wake me up at night sometimes. The desires that through no fault of anyone but myself I have to fend off. Well honestly I don’t have those answers down pat. The super spiritual world of Sundays School that place where we like to sound wise and educated says those are the moments when I take them to the Lord. Ok I do that but then I still fall. I struggle with a ton of duel associations. So as soon as I overcome one I am slapped in the face with another. How many people struggle in a similar fission only Chrystal Methemphentimes and Porno isn’t the vehicle that you have used to take your trip to the abyss. How many people got dumped on the phone and every time they hear a phone ring it triggers a fear and a memory. The association is with pain so to prevent having this triggered memory one might keep their phone completely off. That’s not freedom that’s avoidance.



We have got to start dealing with root causes and real issues. Question How does one go about doing just that? Well I think the  Paul put it best when he says to not even speak of the deeds done in the darkness and basically not to even spend anytime discussing it or entertaining it either. But to instead of fighting evil by focusing on the evil I think the secret ingredient is so counter to what our natural instincts tell us that we miss it when he wrote and said to set our minds on the things above.  Focus on the fulfilling the fruits of the spirit….get busy doing something good speaking something good and edifying someone else’s life.


The trips I have taken back to the abyss were so costly not just to my own personal testimony but to the hopes and dreams of the great cloud of witnesses who are looking for an example of someone who can display the Grace and courage of Christ in the midst of all hell breaking lose. I have to be the first to admit Satan never had to push me too much to get me over the edge. He just had to provide the opportunity and means and the choice was so easy. Endure discomfort and pain or get immediate pleasure. At some point and time in my own walk the journey and the cost of the journey has got to become so pointless and senseless that the temptation is not even an issue.

What I have learned is this no matter what my circumstances no mater how life is going for me at the time. Good or bad. I have found a way to justify myself in the moment of choice for choosing to gratify the deeds of the flesh. Have I ever seen what is on the other side of the storm ..mabey a couple of times at most. 


I have to be honest there are times weekly that I struggle with my grip on sanity. I am baffled by my own immaturity and broken at the thought of my sin and betrayal of the Lord.  And its those moments moments like last night and tonight when I realize I am exactly where God wanted me to be and who God wanted me to be. That despite my failures and my downfalls I am not junk I am a child of God.  And its in the moments of lack of control when I realize I never was in control.

Peace be still are the words Jesus used to calm the storm. But today He would say those words to the people in the storm. Peace Be Still. No more trips to the abyss. No more hiding from pain or confrontation. Today the Lord declares a new day. WE don’t even have to discuss the deads that were done in the darkness because we have so much goodness to discuss about the works done in the light. Where is your focus?

Sunday, July 3, 2011

INDEPENDENCE DAY

Independence Day


Independence day. A day that represents freedom. A day that signifies and exemplifies what America stands for and a day that is set aside to remember what our forefathers fought died and stood for. Yet when you look across our embattled land we see through flesh stained glasses people committing atrocities against each other. Abortions , Gay marriage, Divorces, Incarceration, Drug use, the list goes on. It goes on in more controversial issues the consequences of these things spread out and carry penalties to 4th and 5th generations on down the line.  We have a national debt. That exceeds the trillions. We have teen pregnancy out of control which imprisons families into poverty. Houses being foreclosed on left and right. Unemployment rates on the rise. This is our country the land of the free?  Freedom of what? Were more free in our country to today then ever to get food stamps and social services and benefits then ever. Recently it was asked of people in my Fellowship to write briefly on a wall what we love about our country. And people when challenged to do such a task might not be referring to the country we live in today. But the country that we were once before.

We once were free to express our faith in public forums. That right has been replaced by political correctness and the agenda of the far left to restrict or Christian heritage from being expressed because we might offend the atheist Muslim or Homosexual. The complete perversion of our cause now because we no longer get to state our cause but they do for us on extreme political tv shows and they use bazaar examples of one guy burning Korans to say that Christians are against Muslims and homosexuals. Which is completely false. Real Christians are no such thing we are against the acts of homosexuality but we stand for the homosexual and pray with and for them in love for their repentance and salvation because our savior hung for them. Yet if we do this in public we can be arrested in some places now.


We have allowed our freedoms to ruin us in other areas. Were free to divorce and divorce we have and this has caused tremendous strains on our economy too. LOOK IT UP FOR YOUR SELF. And because we have not honored marriage we have no credibility to say even what it means the enemy has hijacked the word which is a biblical word and perverted and now six states have legalized gay marriage. Our freedom to divorce has destroyed the fabric of the Christian home and ruined family trees everywhere.


Freedom to choose life or death abortion or no abortion…the economic strain abortion has caused to me is painfully obvious. A whole generation of people have been disallowed from pursing goods and services because we have taken our freedom to choose and used it to choose wrong.

These three freedoms the freedom to live without being killed at conception the freedom to pray and express our real faith which is love the freedom to stay married to one woman and raise up Godly offspring has been stripped and replaced by the counterfeit.

Yet today I am so thankful because today I am still in a country where writing this does not get me thrown into prison. Where even if most Christians think it to be extreme exaggeration I am free to still disagree in love and say that I am free to repent and live my life free to love and express it the way God tells me too.

I read in the bible about a whole nation of people who prayed for independence and were granted it but knew not what to do with this independence. And eventually even wished they were still in bondage..

We can make choices with our independence and freedom that consequences lead straight to bondage. When we stopped fearing God and started serving mammon we made choices that did just that.

Today my challenge to all who read this is to seek true independence by repenting. Let our House get cleaned and circumcised today. There is no better freedom then the freedom found in Christ. Happy Independence day to all who choose to do just that. Its never too late and were never too far. 

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

DIRTY WATER

Dirty Water


When I was a child I used to get thirsty when I was playing outside. And as much as I wanted to go inside and get some water or juice the hose connected to the  water spicket outside was much more inviting and accommodating to me. I was lazy.  The one thing I remember about that darn hose or any hose for that matter even though systematically I was full my thirst was quenched for the moment the water though never was very satisfying in fact it was bitter. I was a child and like any child I had no clue what was in the water that I had been ingesting.  Any number of things could have spawned from this ..dysentery,  the runs, hepatitis, shoot maybe even good ole fashion e coli. As I got older and learned of the junk that is in spiket water I made an educated change of strategy and begin drinking good water straight from the facet. Hehehehe . Then I graduated to bottled water and filtered water.

How does someone change their culture their confession their perception from negative to positive.. Well just like the water I used to drink that was in some cases only meant to be used for irrigation …I have discovered it is vitally important for me to spend a lot of time considering the words I ingest the images my brain gets exposed to and the conversations I allow my self to listen too. You can take a perfectly clean cup right out of your cabinet and if you fill it with nasty toilet water it is going to be dirty as well. The same concept applies to us as people we can be perfectly cleansed forgive and set free from many strongholds and bondage but by the things we examine and allow our selves to listen to we can by proxy or directly become re infected again. How powerful are words anyways one might ask? Well words are so Powerful God chose to use words to create all things.

I have seen this played out in my life. If I am honest usually before every fall or every set back for me it is preceded with a conversation that is just complete junk. I allowed words to settle into my earls flow into my brain like a seed they take root and without fail I am all screwed up in most cases in worse shape then the day I first accepted Christ. And if people took notice they would never know I was a Christian. Proverbs says to guard your heart with all diligence because out of it springs the issues of life.  I don’t believe that proverb is referring to sharing things that we love or care about with others. I believe it is referring to an outside attack that can and will take place. It is spoken in a defense mode to guard is never referred to in any language or in any text in an offensive manner only in defensive portrayals. Well to begin to do this we must set up boundaries with our ears and eyes. Not let anything that could take root in our heart negative enter.


If we drink bitter water eventually we will become bitter. So if we continuously take in bitter communication we will become bitter. In all the reading I have done in all the sermons I have heard I have never in one passage or one sermon ever heard or read where Jesus entertained any kind of gossip or negative talk. Jesus took dominion over it. He guarded his heart by setting healthy boundaries.. He even once called peter the devil. Hehehe.

So much of my recent entries have been based on healthy outward communication. Yet to have healthy outward communication and expression of love we first must not just be a clean cup that will receive any kind of water. We must be the cup the refuses water that has not been filtered by the Holy Spirit. Because like a clean cup once dirty water gets in it the only thing we can do is contaminate other cups. Eventually all of our cups do over flow but its what were overflowing with that really matters. Hence the phrase garbage in garbage out.  Lets today decide that we are nolonger going to drink dirty water. Lets drink only living water.


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

UNLEASHED LOVE

Unleashed Love

The wealthiest people in life, the most successful people in life, the most sought after people in life, and the greatest innovators of life are all problem solvers. Not problem finders.
It needs to be stated that anyone with a pulse can walk into any room and situation and any circumstance and find problem and fault. There is absolutely nothing special about that.  The skill and gift of solving the problem is rare.

How many times have you called out to a friend. How many times have you had a situation you needed to talk about so you call a friend or go meet with someone. You pour your heart out you spill your insides out to them and without even a pause your friend is reinforcing all the negatives that you just shared. Or they pull their bible out and read scriptures to you and begin a venture of showing you how unspiritual you are.  We have a problem in the Body of Christ.  We have an issue. One that has been drilling my heart for some months now but I have not bothered to share because I am not a problem finder I am a problem solver.  But to get to the solution we have got to understand the totality of the problem we have to see this thing and the damage it is doing.


There is no shortage of books and Christian motivational speakers. And Mens ministry is on the rise which on the outside looking in or to the surface observer you would think that the Body of Christ is filled with a multitude of strong God fearing people loving men. And I will give you the bennifift of the doubt. I am not trying to be over critical hear. But there is a growing segment of men in our Body and locol fellowships that are hurting. They are wounded. And we have begun retreating we have stopped sharing our burdens with eachother and we no longer cofess our sins to one another the way the bible says to.  I believe its because we as a body have lost the art of just listening and loving.  We all want to be the solution minded people God created us to be and we all want to be the person with the golden nugget of truth that unveils sin exposes it and heals it all in one fail swoop. We read the books take the seminars sit in the front row take notes and get all fired up then when John from such and such church reaches out to us we hear the headlines of the stuff then we begin quoting him all the TBN footstomping good doctrine we just learned and show this man how spiritual we have become through all the books we have read…What happens next is crazy. John hurting recognizes that something is not right can’t place his finger on it exactly but doesn’t respond with oh my goodness your so right response. So what we do is throw a coleism at him or tell him to just man up.

We failed to listen …we failed to love this person. We failed to respond with the heart and mind of  Christ in compassion. Now John is not just wounded by the original thing but now has another burden to carry because we as his brothers did not sit silent and listen.

Listening to someone is loving them in a very intimate way. Not just hearing them. Right now I have my tv on in the background I hear it loud and clear but I am not listening to it. The art of listening is gone….It breaks my heart.  Now guyes like that fictitious John don’t share they keep their burdens bottled up they don’t confess their sins to eachother because we spend more time condemning the actions and judging the situation then we do seeing and loving the people in them. Jesus came and concerned himself not with the surrounding circumstances time and again. We read so often the verbal responses that Jesus shared but we gloss over the times he remained silent.  He listened. He did not just hear.

I want to get back to listening in my life so I can do a better job of loving the people I am around.  The solution is actually not more words they have already been spoken we have heard them all. The solution is not more books they have all been written.  The solution is more listening. I am so greatful that I have people in my life who care enough about me to just listen at times. I am so greatful that I am loved.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Mountain Climbing

Mountain Climbing


Fear is the deadliest thing to give into. There is never a moment in my life where fear has a place. Yet so often I bow to it and give into fear. Why doesn’t a hiker begin to climb a mountain. most of the time the hiker will tell you he is not scared he will die on the hike. Its because what if he begins the journey and can’t make it to the top. Life so much like that. Who wants to begin a journey in life and not complete it. Nobody.

Recovery is similar to mountain climbing. In fact its like climbing the steepest mountain. What is scary about this mountain is that there is truth in what fear is trying to tell me. Today I wake up at the bottom of the mountain. because daily I wake up at the bottom. I never ever fully reach the top and each day begins the new journey to a destination I can never reach. Painful memories creep in on this journey daily. There are reminders constantly everywhere of my sin and my old life of sin. Temptations on every corner. Temptations at every new level of the hike. There are the people who sometimes we are even hiking with who tell us we can’t make it. It is impossible and that nobody has ever climbed this mountain successfully. Yet each day I twirl my self out of this bed and thrust myself into this climb. Why? Because fear will not control my destiny. Fear will not prevent me from attempting what is impossible.

When fear is entertained depression and anxiety set in. I have seen fear steel to much of my journey and too many good lives.  Today I wake up and I am no longer living in fear of not making it to the the top of this mountain because I embrace my failure and know that my success in life is not based on climbing to the top of this mountain. My success in life is simply defined by my attempting to do so without fear or precaution.  We all have our mountain to climb we all have our journey to take and man I am so glad to be in this climb today and doing my journey with the people God gave me to do this with. 

This journey we take on a daily basis that we know we will never reach this end point is how Gods power is displayed the greatest. Its in the endurance of the circumstance and the love and grace we display in them that perplexes the world.  Get in the climb today!!! WE need more climbers!!!  

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Winning the Race Through Grace

Winning the Race Through Grace


I have already beaten the odds. I have already come so far. Statistically speaking I should be dead in the Hospital dying or in a prison somewhere trading my sleeping pills for honey buns or visa versa. I can honestly tell you this much . This much I know for certain. It is nothing good I have done that has gotten my life in somewhat order. In fact there are a lot of times I go to bed with the knowledge and wakeup the next morning with the understanding that the worse I have been the better God has been towards me.

Unless you have been a homeless drug addict like I have been you probably won’t understand where I am coming from. But If you are or have been you probably can relate to what I am about to write and I hope this helps you. If your not I pray this gives you a unique insight into the bizarre paradox that exists for the person in recovery…


Let me start off by saying this I am clean and sober and in my right mind. However I have learned recently it does not matter who good life is going or how smooth the road is that I am still subject to a craving periodically. To the reader who has never used meth amphetamine  you might read this and say so what who cares. But to the addict and men and women in recovery they know all to well that these cravings are intense painfully reality. When I first made a decision to seek sobriety and recovery in 2007 I said this …”God if you just give me a home to live in and a place in society I know I can stay off drugs” guess what? God gave me a home and place and a good one too. But the cravings came and I caved in and used and lost my home and place gave up my new identity and for a moment exchanged it back for the false one …I just wanted the craving to stop. I got back up regained my foothold on life and began to push through and said something like this….”God you have given me a place in society and a home now if you could just restore my life back to my children I know for certain I would never do drugs again.” God looked down at me and did exactly what I asked him to do…and guess what a craving came and eventually after a short brief wimped out battle I caved in and used drugs. Then after once again getting a foothold back on life and climbing back into the fight I said a prayer and it went something like this…” God you have given me a home and a place in society again…and you have restored my children back into my life …now if you just give me a wife someone who loves me and I love her so I am not so alone I know without a doubt my life will now be complete and I will never have a need to use drugs again….God looked down at me and did just that ..in fact he gave me a beautiful wife who loves Him more then she loves me. He gave me a wife who embodies Proverbs 31  and yet the cravings have come a couple of times and I have used drugs each time.  Then came this last prayer…Lord I know the stress now that comes with having the family the wife the bills are adding up…and man God these jobs are just not making ends meet and my bosses are idiots…and I said God if you could just give me a good job…where I make enough money to pay my child support ..where I can pay my bills support my new wife and our children here and Lord if you could make that near my house…I know without a doubt I will never use drugs again….and wow to my amazement the cravings come….but they go too.


It wasn’t until this last craving that I realized that in my mess when I am week that it actually doesn’t matter how many good things I have in my life when I am craving meth amphetamine its nothing personal towards anyone that is in my life that I love or a slight against a great job but If I don’t learn to stand I will use drugs again.

I think the point I am trying to make here tonight is this…my whole life God has been hearing my prayers and answering them and I finally get it ..yes He wants me to be happy but I think what he is trying to show me finally is that I won’t find that peace that completeness that ahhhh feeling and I won’t find that rest in anything outside of Him. He wants me to be complete in him ….not in my home my place in society not in my job not in my marriage…though he wants me to have those things …they won’t keep me clean..but He will.


I think the mixed message that we in recovery have trouble wrapping our mind around especially charismatic Christian people in recovery is this. We see Gods hand move mountains We see people who are definitely set free and completely delivered from hellacious situations….and we get discouraged because we think wow that could be me. God can remove this craving from me. God can take this addiction from me. …..and we are right God can and He does for some…but for those of us who are left to endure He says to us MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR THEE. What was Paul thinking when he read the words he wrote that day…cause you know he read them. I think he felt like I do sometimes kind of a sinking feeling inside a resignation…We all want our recovery and we want to believe it is instantaneous and for some it is…but for some of us it is anything but pretty. For some of us recovery is kind of ugly and we don’t like to talk about it because we haven’t completely wrapped our mind around this concept of enduring the race and winning the race through grace….


It has been some time now since my last use of meth amphetamines and I have everything going for me in fact I have the  most amazing life any one person could have ..I mean that too. I have a great wife I have five count em five of the most amazing children…I am great at my job and well respected for it and very well compensated for it …and yet evil still entices me evil still tempts me and in my mind I have used several times…despite knowing it would cost me all of that…That is not to devalue anyone of those individual things it is just being honest that we sometimes get through the storm but still get a little dirty.

I wish that we could smash this idea in recovery that everyone in recovery gets to celebrate not using drugs like it is some kind of big deal…common me not getting high is actually me just not committing a felony and possibly not committing suicide. There is nothing to celebrate in that. The minute I stand up and accept a round of applause because I haven’t stuck my arm with a needle I have lost the battle….Its not that easy. Recovery has to be fought for contended for in the wee hours of the morning when nobody is around seeing us struggle when we get woke up with a dream that we were getting high and were pissed it aint real…society doesn’t get it even people you go to church with are confused …but we can stay clean despite the cravings despite the sweats that still come despite the mental breakdowns that were scared to talk about.

We have to allow Gods grace to cover us in these days. and use them as a tool to provoke us to draw unto HIM> not seek things from HIM but to just seek HIM for HIM> Because the job one day believe it or not will can you…the wife you love and adore is human and she will hurt you …and the home you live in and the place in society you sought can be removed like that…but Gods love and grace is never subject to mans free will….and it endures for ever …all we have to do is accept it. Winning this race through Grace means accepting the fact that I am screwed up from head to toe…on my best days my offering is more like a cain offering then an able offering…and my best deeds can and should lead me to hell…it’s a good thing God looks down at me and does not see David Freeman but He sees Jesus Christ. And blesses me richly because of it…I will take grace any day …..any day and any night especially nights like tonight. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

POW TAKE THAT SATAN!!!!

Politically Correct=Morally Wrong




Have we as a society gotten so sensitive to name calling and put downs that we now have to see public service announcements about it? The NBA has taken on new heights with this.  Last night while watching the Bulls vs. Heat game they put on an NBA commercial urging people not to call things gay using the word as an adjective describe something.  They clearly used two Phoenix Suns in the promo because the president of the team is a homosexual.  The add portrays being a homosexual as cool or hip when in fact it’s a lifestyle that has no positive attributes to it.  Disease early death no procreation can be achieved. These are not stereotypes they are facts…the average homosexual male lives only to his early 40s that is a statistical fact…without even getting the bible out it is easy to see that the natural laws of nature frown on this…

Here is the sticky dilemma. How do we as believers who have been forgiven of so much. Some of us have been forgiven of far more hideous sins then this. How do we begin to make our case known in the face of this opposition. Some would argue that this very blog entry is insensitive and demeaning to a group of people. Why? I ask. Is it because I say it is wrong to live in a homosexual lifestyle? How do we disagree without being portrayed as right wing nut jobs.. The minute we in love even speak up on such issues we are muzzled by the media and compared to the likes of  that one dude burning Korans and that other guy predicting the end of the world every other week. Righteousness is slowing losing its voice. The lost and dying world is not receiving our message and instead of turning to a loving God who is waiting for their repentance. They are settling for a counterfeited version of love that isn’t really love at all its called political correctness.

Here is the paradox example. How did Christ handle such events. Well in each case He was slow to speak. He waited. Getting into half cocked arguments over what we believe and know is right as Christians does actually damage to our cause not good for it.  Those type of situations are not driven by righteous indignation they are driven by pride and the need to be right.  The most gripping example of what Christ did was when he did not verbally respond at all he just loved …Loved unto the point of death.  See the bait that is being laid out here is for us as believers to do exactly what our flesh is saying to do. scream fight argue. but the way Jesus handled was he just kept walking and loving.


Its important for us to realize today that yes as Christians we know homosexuality is wrong but that it is no more or less wrong then the sins that we committed and still commit daily that sent Jesus to the Cross. The only way we are going to begin to penetrate this market and demographic is by uncommon Christlike love that exposes the counterfeited and brings reconciliation of the lost to the Lord. We actually don’t need a commercial or a TV spot to do this we just need to go outside our own front porch and begin to love the guy mowing the lawn next door.

We don’t need to debate politically correctness we need to live in a Christlikeness with our actions. 

Monday, May 16, 2011

Destiny is not a Strppers Name

Destiny is not a Strippers Name


The word destiny has been perverted. Strippers have taken it and used it as an alias. Songs have been written about the word like it is some kind of mystical event that happens only in some kind of cosmic event. What has happened is pure distraction. The truth is we all have destiny.  It is the direction of our lifes course the end result and weather good or bad we all will end up somewhere . Destination is the root word. Its not a pop group its not the name of a pet. Destiny is the place we will end up…And it is not something that happens by accident… the destiny we end up with is the result of a series of life’s choices that we deliberately make . Excuses and blaming other people will not change the destiny only making right choices in tough times will.

When my life has gotten a little bit difficult when my life has experienced resistance in the past. The type of person I defaulted to was inevitably bad.  It set me on a course of being homeless and addicted to drugs.  Nothing that happened to me in my life set me on that course. And sure in my life I have like all of us have experienced some raw deals but the decisions I made in those circumstances revealed the character of the man I was becoming and was.  So much of my behavior was based on the pain of being wronged in some way that I alone  made deicisons to do wrong to eliminate the pain temporarily. I was arrested several times by law enforcement agencies that did not do the job. It was not till I was arrested by Jesus Christ that my mindset began to change…


The process was initially difficult. Because pain is a common occurrence in life..and none of us are ever going to escape being hurt.  And being saved and in the Body of Christ did not initially change my reactions or behavior in those circumstances.  I loved Jesus but it was a self centered love that I was only willing to give while things were going 100% my way.  It did not make me unsaved it just made me immature.  I was missing the fact that Jesus Christ did not just die on the cross He resurrected from the tomb. And He did so so that I too could live a resurrected life.  I struggled with being hurt. I struggled with being rejected. I struggled with my identity and knowing who I was….and getting saved and accepting Christ into my life did not change those core issues…it just magnified them. 



My destiny began to change the moment I am faced with being rejected or not accepted and I choose to still love the people who are not accepting or are rejecting me. My destiny changed in an amazing way when people I loved and respected and adored with my whole heart did not return that love and instead of looking selfishly inward I began looking vertically to the Lord and it was then that His relationship with me began to blossom….and without even realizing it he placed me around a group of people who love me despite me and I offer nothing to their lives.


Our destiny is a choice. Our life today is a choice. I have a destiny and it is grand and great today and it is not because I say so its because of what God says about me. Today I woke up and I am faced with the knowledge that there are people who don’t like me. There are people who wont receive me or the things I have to say…and today it is ok because I am hid in Christ and he accepts me just the way that I am…and that helps keep me sober today because finaly He is my Joy!!!

I used to spend dollar bills chasing destiny that was only destruction ..today my destiny is a gift not a stripper or gram of meth. It’s a place of peace and love . We can all have this destiny but it starts with us making this right decision right now when things are difficult …I like the way the  bible puts it…I set before you life and death ….choose life.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Twisted up Tongues

Tongue Twisters



Being in recovery there are certain biblical truths are just so vital to live by. The bible describes our tongue like the utter of a ship. the ships utter sets the course the ship is going to go but because it is so small it is often over looked and taken for granted. but quite as its kept it is the most influential part of the ship. Our tongue is the exact same as the utter of the ship. It too is very small. And just like the utter of the ship most Christians take it for granted.  I am not going to take this opportunity to discuss the gossip the slander and backbiting that goes on in a church. we all know this way to well…I think it goes without saying that in my life I have probably verbally bashed every single person I love and loves me. If your honest you would have to say you too have done this.

What I am going to do today is discuss our lives direction and how vital our confessions are…Our tongue 9 out of 10 times sets the course of direction for our thoughts and our actions. It is with our tongue that we take captive those thoughts and imaginations that pop up in our mind and it is with our tongue we bind them and cast them out ….IN THE NAME OF JESUS. Being in recovery this is vital because I have thoughts cravings and desires that are completely not of the Lord and for me one time of not executing proper confession about who I am in Christ could not just cost me my job my family and other relationships …for me and people like me it could cost me my life. So positive healthy confession is vital…


The Bible places such an emphasis on confession that it states that if we believe with our heart and confess with our mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord then we shall be saved….We have to confess Who Jesus is to be IN JESUS!!!


I have seen confession played out so much in my life when I begin to feed my negative thoughts with negative confession it is like a snowball rolling down hill that just gets bigger and bigger the power of negative confession just explodes all over people and me like you would never believe…..for a period of time I did not believe I could find a good job…man I confessed this daily and even by the minute ….and even though I was finding jobs I was not finding the good in the jobs…it was not until I decided that no matter what this is where God placed me and God loves me and would not place me somewhere bad so even though I don’t think in my mind this is a good job I am going to confess good things about this job….and bam I started making money I started finding success and the job became good…


Our tongue is the seed planter of the good and the bad things in our life.  Some times I think it is just important to stop in the middle of all heated discussion or idle chatter and realize that we even though the fruit does not show just yet but that we are planting seeds that will later come back to reap a harvest… It is with our tongue that we give the best blessing in the world to people when we say I love you!!!! Let this be how we Christians are best known…known for our love for one another.  In fact that is what the bible says…

How are you known today? What is it that you are confessing about your life today and about other people in your life. Are you believing the best and confessing the best for you and others ? Challenge your self today and begin speaking life today ?

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Gardening Tips from a Novis




My behaviour alarms me at times. My ability to forget so easily all the great things God has done in my life scares me too. My faith is so weak and I don’t have a problem sharing that with you. Infact I am commanded to so you can pray for me. But how quick I am as a believer to accept the good things in life that God provides and then when a storm comes how quick I am to retreat back to old ways of thinking and behaviors ..The Bible so many times addresses God as a Gardner and us a plants…I never understood the comparison until I worked at the landscape dept at my church for three months. Peggy would constantly have us pruning trees. Trees that for all intensive purposes looked beautiful and healthy we pruned them. One day I asked Peggy why we constantly prune back seemingly healthy trees …and she explained that the pruning of the tree though in the short term makes the tree less attractive to the eye in some cases in the long run makes that tree stronger so when the storm comes it can stand in the midst of it…

This makes me wonder How many times in my young Christian walk have I experienced being pruned and how many times I have mistaken the pruning for an attack. or a storm. see the trees have that same phenomenon if you were a tree and someone was taking sheers to your limbs you would feel the sensations of an attack. It would be painful. And just like me at the time not understanding the purpose that is done for the endurance and the health and well being of the tree. It also makes me realize that even though the pruning sucks the tree is never ever uprooted and transplanted to avoid the storm that is inevitably to come.  But is left there in the elements to endure it.  Sometimes the trees are even tied down to a post so the storm cannot move it.  In our lives this happening can make us feel trapped. See unlike trees we humans have the ability to reason and think.  When we start to feel trapped our tied down to something even something healthy we start looking for ways to undo the ties and escape…What we are missing is the knowledge that is for our own good we are tied down and we are pruned.

It is such a painful process..I have been an escape artist most of my life. Being pruned hurts being tied down and anchored somewhere is not what I am accustomed too this is taking some getting used to.  But today I get this much at least that the pruning is not an attack its done because my Gardner who is a great Gardner loves me and cares for me…and by the way even though in the short term stuff looks real ugly the pruning gives exposure to sunlight to the hidden parts of the tree so that they can begin to be healthy branches too….and it also in the end makes the tree look more balanced and full. but the process is never ending. Just the like Peggy the pruning will never stop…and it will never be anything but painful. It’s a process of life…


My understanding is that if I don’t accept the pruning and don’t get tied down to a post sometimes I might get blown away by the storm and die.  I am so grateful for the people who are in my life who see me at my ugliest points and still love me…the one thing I am good at is sin I am so natural at it it comes without thinking…doing the right thing is painful at times and hard because it requires thought determination and the cutting away of self….

I know that we are all gonna screw it all up big time we are all going to hurt each other because that is our nature to do so…that is not a male or female trait or specific to just this guy or that girl that is a human trait…but We do today have the ability to be cleansed and renewed and have the mind and heart of Christ which was always forgiveness to everyone without prejudice and love to all people despite the wrongs done to us…

The fact that Jesus Christ only one time actually displayed anger outwardly in recorded history but 100s of accounts of random acts of love and compassion tell me that we as Christians are missing who Jesus really is because me for one have a unique knack for displaying my anger far more then I do my love and compassion….


I am being pruned again and it sucks. But its not the storm the storm is sure to come this is the part where I get stronger for the storm. I am tied down to a post and I cannot escape I have got to endure this storm because my Gardner who loves me and cares for me is not interested in removing me from my environment but He is interested in me lasting in the storm and doing so with ease and grace…because that is how He gets the Glory…That is how He becomes Known to men.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Porno the Destroyer

Porn What Is It For Anyways?


This topic is very sensitive and honestly there is now way one can actually talk about this in the light that it needs to be without first warning. this entry is not for children nor most woman. I say most because honestly lets face it statistically speaking PORN is not just a man thing anymore. Before we get into the psycho babel about what it does to the brain and how it can cause sexual dysfunction I first want to share with you some of my story something about me even in this topic you may not know.


I can’t remember exactly when I saw my first naked image. That’s the truth I think I was like 3 or 4. I was being babysat by someone I won’t name out of respect. But this person put me in his bedroom and underneath his bed was a whole stack of dirty magazines. Now as a 3 yr old I had no clue what I was looking at. But for some reason I remember it like it was yesterday. There was something traumatic happening to my brain at that very moment. Seeds were being planted. From that point on I would not say I ever went looking for pornography at least not at that age. but it was there and every time I was being watched by this particular person I would go in the room and scope out the pictures. I don’t even remember what my opinion of them were what my impressions were at the time. I do believe I must have been fascinated though. Why because I can describe to this day the exact contents of the room I was in. It was a messy room with a bed that was deshefled that had one of those old quilts that had patches sewn into it. Cloths were everywhere and there was a stench in the room like a body Oder. The dresser was brown and not made of real wood and it had tons of stuff on it papers everywhere. I was three yrs old maybe four at the time and I remember all this about the room not because the room was remarkable but because Something happened to me in that room. I believe God helped me retain that memory so one day like today I could look back and say it happened then.



When I was 3 or 4 the raiders were unbeatable on Monday night football my favorite show was the incredible hulk. I had a red tricycle that had a horn on it. My grandfather took me to true value and let me pick it out. I wore overalls because I had a fascination with trains and would imagine I was a conductor. My hair was bleach blond and I went to preschool. On Saturdays I would sleep over at Ginnies.  Not sure why exactly other then she lived right across the street from My Grandparents and had a piano that I liked to pretend I could play. When I would wake up I would rush over to my grandmothers because like clockwork she made cinnamon roles every single weekend for Sunday breakfast. And let me tell you I had some sweet tooth. I was for all intensive purposes the happiest kid alive right then and there. I am telling you this because I was just like any other kid today at three. I was just like any other kid anytime at three. I was normal. I did not have any dreams yet of being anything special nor did I ever think I would not.

So what happened ? Well honestly I don’t know. Gradually I do know over time a transition was taking place. I eventually knew were all the hiding spots of every house were. At first I don’t think anyone thought too much of it because I was so small. They might have even laughed about it. But that original seed was being watered and fed. And just like a seed you plant outside of a tree. You don’t see it underground germinating growing but over time little roots form and it begins to take hold of the soil and sprout up.


As a young teen I still had no clue what porn addiction was. I was in school and it was almost like they promoted masturbation and pornography watching. All my friends had videos and we would laugh and joke about them in class ..Sex education at least back then even talked about masturbation and how normal it was. I remember my teacher my freshman year of high school he said there are only two types of men in this world those who do it and those who admit to it. Basically he said we all masturbate. So I had now no guilt for the porn and no guilt for the masturbation and the acting out that came with it. Looking back it was these formative yrs that two things at one time were being destroyed. #1 My image of a woman was tarnished. Woman became sex objects nothing more nothing less. Remember I still did not have my mother in my life to do the most important thing there is a mother can do for a boy and that is show him what a woman is supposed to be like.  #2 the second thing this period of time did to my life that was very damaging was it took my normal curious thoughts that probably every young adolescent boy has and it shoved them on a magazine or video and I began to have fantasy about things then pushing my boundaries out that are not normal. that young boys should not be thinking about…what this did was set my life up for huge disappointment because the expectations those images created were impossible to achieve. I did not realize at the time because I could not see past my own nose. But those images were contrived. Sure they were of real people and of real sexual acts but they were unrealistic in that nobody not even the men in the pics were receiving any pleasure. but in my mind I believed that is was sex was supposed to be.



My fascination got very expensive…I had been digging into my fathers collection of porn and in the back of the magazines there were these adds. You could call and listen to free samples of people having what they advertised as actual sex. And at first I would. I even believed that the girl in the add was the girl lol. How naive. But this was eventually not good enough and like everything else once you build up a tolerance you have to pursue the next level. So I called just one 900 number. Ok I confess I called every single 900 number in the magazine. Man I was kid in a candy store with no supervision. dial dial dial all night all day. I went to school got home from school and dialed stayed up all night dialed I had what I thought was a great thing going. Then the phone bill came…that ended that. Lol. The phone got shut off. But honestly there wasn’t any real consequence. My dad was very angry but I don’t remember him punishing me for that or sitting me down and telling me anything constructive.. I do remember him being very angry for like a day or two.


As man entering into the world. My behavior in this area of my life had become very degenerative. Norfolk Va. The United States Navy…I was on a mission. I was so sick of porn and the behavior that it came with that I set out to sleep with as many woman as I could. I worked with one girl ….I had a favorite prostitute…and I lived with my fiancé…and I set out to on the same day in the same bed have sex with all three of them without them knowing ….I look back and this is not a war story to me. reading it you might say to your self bull crap hes making this up…no truthfully this really happened. I did that.

I had no problem paying for a prostitute and I did every payday. I would hang out in strip clubs and took on the challenge of trying to sleep with strippers without tipping at the bar..sex had become a game like some people play Nintendo or Xbox I was amused with sexual conquest. And the only way I found fulfillment was to brag and always have a witness to verify and say yep he did that. I was sewer walking around in a mans body.


Skip Skip Skip 2005 I am now living in an adult bookstore. I have accomplished nothing in my life whatsoever that is worth even mentioning as valuable. My whole life has been driven by sexual conquest and sexual ambition…my mind is completely warped and now I am mixing Chrystal Meth with my porn which is definitely intensifying and solidifying my place in society and I actually like it. I don’t care.



What took place in my life from the time I was 3 or 4 till that moment in the bookstore was crazy. But honestly the worst thing that Porn took from me was real relationship. I had no real friends. I had no identity ..I did not know who I was. I had gotten married had three children and left them. Intimacy not just sexually but spiritually even with people I love with my whole heart like my kids was impossible. I had no foundation as a man nothing to draw from. My whole life from 3 to the time I was 33 when I got saved I lived completely and utterly alone. Something broke inside me. Even in writing this I can’t place a finger on what ..but we do know when ….The long-term effects of porn on the brain are one thing what porn does to the soul of a person is completely another. Talking about this is difficult because it’s the pink elephant in the room type of thing ..statistically speaking and these statistics are hard to ignore but 85% of all households own some kind of porn. Its free on the internet now. Craigslist allows people to advertise …there is newspaper stands outside any circle k by the curb that will for 50cents with no ID allow anyone to purchase a swinger magazine that has all kinds of escorts and I mean all kinds.
This is destroying our culture and robbing our youth of their innocents. I have been fighting this fight now for three yrs. I have been seeking healing. I have great support system my wife is the most amazing wife in the world she loves me so unconditionally. But I would be lying to you today if I said that it doesn’t effect me still. I am 35 I was 3 that is a long time …


The battle began in the garden ..not when I turned 3. It began way before me and will be around long after me. It began when God said to Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply.  It was Gods first command to a married couple. It is an attack on Gods design for relationship between men and women. Its an attack on women’s Identity also because if you look around in your city most woman are portrayed as sex objects even one weather woman on a local tv station dresses so provocatively I cant watch her channel. These young ladies don’t stand a chance from magazine covers to manikins at a mall they are being told their worth and identity is in their sexuality. And boys don’t need coaching just a suggestion and they buy into it.  This is a direct attack on the words God spoke to Adam and Eve in the Garden….its 100% spiritual.


The consequences of my lifes choices are still being levied today. I have spent my whole life in sexual crisis. Now normalcy is very difficult because I actually struggle to have a sex drive. And that makes me sad. What are we men supposed to do those of us who have been damaged in this way. Well look there are no self help books. We don’t need awareness or support groups…and please lets not start a ministry about it…but we can fight. We can begin to stand on the Word of God that says we are all subject to the same temptations but With each temptation God is faithful to provide a way of escape……..

There is nothing macho about that right. Way of escape. Some times the best response to a situation is to just run. Its not our fight. But we can begin to purify our homes. Let our daughters see us honor their mother let our daughters hear us tell them how valuable they are. I have a 13 yr she is so gifted and amazing I am fighting today for her so she knows her worth.  I have four boys one is 18 now the other three are still young. But I am fighting for them today so the seeds that were planted in my life at such early yrs don’t ever get planted in theirs.  Now together as men we can fight for us. We can get back the yrs the canker worm stole. God can cleanse our minds. We can become whole men again. Not just men fractured in different spots where the enemy has taken chunks out of us. But we have to get honest today. Our lives and our children’s lives are at stake…this curse stops here and the blessings start now!!!! In the Name of Jesus!!!!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Easter The Resurrection Day

Easter


One of my biggest complaints about Modern Christianity is how in most cases we are effected by the world instead of being effective in it. A great example of this is in our Holidays. The two main Christian Holidays are Easter and Christmas. Let me start with Christmas and I will be brief. But Christmas is supposed to be the celebration of the birth of Christ. However back in the day in order to get more people in the Church. Someone decided it would be a great idea to compromise and incorporate the Pagans in the worship of the tree and the gifts it brings. Now without dissecting the motivations of the original decision because that would take hours and probably is a book in itself, I would just like to point out where this original compromise has lead us. Today Christmas is nothing even close to the celebration of Christ’s birth and in most Churches even the Tree is the most prominent thing you see going in to the Church and in most homes people in the Church are more faithful at that time of the yr putting presents under it in their house then they are placing money in the offering bucket. To me that is so sad. footnote my Church celebrates Christmas and does so in the biggest way and we even have a tree that people stand in and sing. But we use it as an outreach to win the lost.  I don’t for one second believe people would have tolerated such a drastic departure from the Word of God in their lives if it happened all at once. See the enemy more times then not works in gradual stages so gradual that you won’t notice the difference. But looking back after time we see the effects.


Easter: It is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. On this day every yr people from all over our country are getting dressed up in their very best. They are cooking amazing dinners and they are headed out. Little Girls with ribbons in their hair and bows in their dresses. Little boys in their little boys suits. And parents who never go to church on a regular basis are attending some Church somewhere.  Most people still even after today will not completely understand what Easter really is. Ask a friend. Even in the Church.  Ask them ..Here are the responses you will get. Easter eggs and candy and bunnies the kids will respond like that and sadly some parents. (I already ranted about that with Christmas so no need to beat a dead horse)  I believe and listen I haven’t done any polls but I do believe and this is based solely on observation and conversations I have had. But I believe most Christians actually believe that Easter is the celebration of the crucifixion. Even in the subconscious. In the movie the passion of the Christ The Movie is a great depiction of the Crucifixion of Jesus and the hours leading up to it. Probably never before did anyone make such a great movie telling that story. And today all over America people are going to watch that movie. and I say great because it is a great story about the torturous death our savior went through…but what about the third day. its in the movie. But you have to pay close attention its almost a footnote. Why? Because I believe Hollywood which is ran by Satan doesn’t actually want people knowing that Jesus Christ rolled that stone away and rose from the dead and defeated Death. Because that is where the victory truly is. The victory was never in the Crucifixion…History tells us that thousands upon thousands of people were crucified Jesus was just one of many. But the victory was always in the the Resurrection….

This fallacy and misbelief is evident in most Christians lives today including my own in how we walk…how we talk.  We spend so much time talking about the dead stuff and living in the dead that we have become Crucified in life but we are not yet resurrected to a newness of life.

Let me ask you when you share your testimony does it simply leave people feeling sorry for you or does it grip people by the throat and lead them to the Power of Jesus Christ.  Jesus Christ did not suffer what he suffered to have it end there. What makes it so remarkable is that He lived His whole life knowing the end result but chose to walk out His resurrection before it happened. Jesus Christ lived in His resurrection on Earth yet its so simple we miss it. And he did so to give us the Power and authority to do so too….Why?

So we can be effective and have an effect on the world and attract people to Him through an odd and uncommon love. Not so we can be effected by and led by the world.

On this Resurrection day I would like to ask each of you…are you living a resurrected life today. Have you taken your life down from the cross and rolled that stone away. If not its just a decision. The lost and dying world sees being Christian as giving something up…We have showed them so much crucifixion that they don’t see our resurrection…Lets live a resurrected Life.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Devil Never Takes a Day Off

The Devil Never Takes a Day Off


I am more convinced then ever that the end of days is near. I am not one of these Dooms Day people lets get that clear. I just make this observation because of recent events, From the natural disasters to the wars and atrosisities and crimes against humanity. The severe slip in morality and how people have become numb to it to the point we no longer flinch when a guy says he has had children with three women with one on the way with a fourth. When it doesn’t even make the news at all when 65 million babies have been killed in our country since row v wade.  That’s a whole generation.  Yet when Charlie Sheen smokes a whole 8 balls worth of Crack Cocaine it makes the front page and we laugh and joke about it like its not big deal that’s just Charlie being Charlie.  My heart is saddened by society but most of all its saddened by the influence society has on my own life. Like it or not I am prone to doing all the things in society that I despise about it.

I have been fighting in recovery since May 17 2007 and I can honestly tell you this the devil has never given me a day off.  Every day I wake up in this world of flesh I am hit in the face with the temptation of lust –I can’t even go to the gas station at the corner without being visually assaulted with pornography.  I am also daily in a struggle to not rage out and blow up every good relationship I have because that is my pattern to do so.  There are drugs every where I turn.  Yes even in my neighborhood.  The bottom line is this.  Living for Jesus Christ is a struggle.  Its not easy despite what people here on tv from most those preachers. Despite what the latest Christian self help book says …we know its hard. Shoot it was hard for Christ to be Christ what makes us think it won’t be hard for us?

All these things are going on and I am right smack in the middle of it. I am a committer of these sins not a victim of them.  Shoot I do sin the best. And a lot of the time I don’t need much temptation just a short window of opportunity.  For me this journey is about preventing the situations from escalating to the point where I am being carried away by the thought of sin to the point of action.  Going through occasional cravings like I do. I have learned recently that I don’t just have to endure them I can get offensive on them and take them out. I listen to praise and worship. I get into the word. And I do what I can to be productive right there where I am weather it is get on line and send some encouraging emails to people I know who have struggled recently or sending my testimony to people I know are not saved at all.  The point is if the Devil is not going to Give me a day off Then Jesus Christ is going to kick his tail seven days a week.