The High cost of living Low

The High Cost of Living Low

        When your in the heat of the battle. In the moment of decision. When you have not one shred of moral fiber in your body or soul. You do exactly what you do. You live a low level of existence. Everything for the moment. Please me now. Pleasure pleasure pleasure. Consequences yea were aware of them but they are minor compared to the bliss of sin. OOOW the rush of the injection. OH the gratification of sexual conquest. The immediate gains of stolen money.

        I was too young to remember how my journey began. I remember certain things. I remember gas masks. beer bottle cap wars. I remember watching my babysitter have sex right in front of me as a small child maybe I was 3 or 4. I remember it like it was yesterday. And I knew exactly what was going on. As a 3yr old. I knew what sex was. I knew what it was supposed to look like. And because of some of the surroundings I was brought into I even knew back then what it wasn’t supposed to be.  Pornography was always accessasable too. It was under everyone’s bathroom sink or above something high that I would have to climb to get but it was there. It is a lot to take in for a child. How does a kid process this. And what is the long-term effects of this seed that gets planted. Well I was a full fledged sex addict by the time I was 14. I was a monster in the works. I had no boundaries and no body to tell me this or that was wrong. How could they. This one was gay. This one over hear was a lesbian. This one was too messed up on dope. Of all the people I was around including my authority figures I was the most normal. I was the most responsible and the most balanced person I knew. Trouble was I was measuring myself right.

What’s the craziest thing you ever did with your dad? Well I remember one night my dad and I were at a grocery store. I was like 13. It was around midnight. And we were honestly minding our own business. When we heard this female say excuse me can I get a ride I am stuck. My dad said what is your name she said Star Light.  Crazy does not begin to describe what took place next. We said sure she said do you party. She ended up back at our motel room. We all smoked some weed then she offered to take my virginity. My dad was quick to chirp “you can forget that hes not a virgin”. She lost interest then.  She did have sex with two of the people in the room though.

Why am I sharing this? Because I am not sure the men not just in our country but in our Church get this fact. What you think is your dirty secret is killing your son. Fact. Sex slavery is a multi billion duller industry in our country. Fact that means there is a huge demand for it. Its not those sickos. Its us sickos. The average age of a prostitute in our country is 13.  The industry thrives despite the economy collapsing. Where do you think the seeds were planted in these men that it was acceptable and ok for them to pick up prostitutes and underage ones to boot? Where do you think it was taught to the pimps that 13yr old girls are ok to pimp?Where do you think the seed was sewn to the 13 yr old girl. and final question of this section when is this insanity going to stop? And who is gonna stop it? JESUS!!!!!!!

Let me fast foreword I am 19 in the United States Navy Norfolk Virginia home of the Charlie Faulk car lots and strip clubs as far as the eye can see. I lived in the strip clubs. Every night in fact I almost married a stripper. I met her while paying her for sexual favors.

I showed you where my journey began I shared with you some critical points. Let me share with you also how this could end for me. A lot of guilt a lot of pain. Self inflicted pain and wounds broken relationship after broken relationship three kids an ex wife and mentally tormented I turned to meth. Smoked it…Then I snorted it. Then I began shooting up. Broke and homeless I began doing horrible things to get drugs. Ripping people off . Look you name it I did it. All for the drug. Being a shooter you don’t always have the new “rig” and sometimes you only have available to use what is available to use. But you won’t let anything stop you. Your in pain. You need a fix. So you share at first you bleach but eventually your addiction and your life are so sick and so low that you don’t even bother bleaching.  But that immediate gratification is just so darn strong.

I have been having serious headaches and sever acid reflux and I have insurance so why not use it huh? So I go in. The doc orders some blood work. I am casual my blood is good. About a week later I get a letter in the mail that the results are in and I need to come see the doctor to go over them. Sitting in that room hearing the words we have found some issues with your liver. We don’t want to jump to conclusions just yet but we would like to run some more tests. The Doctor as cool as he can asks have you ever been an I.V. drug user.  Then it hits me There is a HIGH COST FOR A LOW LIVING.  I watched the docs body language when I was normal I was a great salesperson and I know how to read people he blinked calmly smiled and nodded. As I said yes I was. He then said the words HEP C. and Liver Cancer …neither good.

So let me ask you. You and I can kind of gather how my journey ends. There is a high cost for a low living. But let me ask you. How is your journey going to end? When is the crazy train going to end for you? Statistics tell me that if your on the internet there is a shot and a good shot that you scope the porn. 85 percent of all internet activity is done looking at adult content of some sort. When are you going to say enough is enough. When are you going to stop the madness that is first killing your soul then it will attack your mind then your own actions will kill you either aids from some random sexual encounter because lets be real you have no self control. Or like me you will resort to drugs to cope with the pain your life’s choices have brought on. Either way you will die too.  Or you can stop right now. Look there are filters. But like everything there are ways around it. The bottom line is it’s a matter of the heart. You have to want to be porn and drug free bad enough. Because if you put a filter on your computer you still go into circle k to by gas and soda and right there is porn. Porn is everywhere. So you just have to man up. Respect yourself and God. And quit. It is a decision. Its not easy. Chances are you have been doing it your whole life. But you can do it.

Porn Sex and Drugs gave me a disease only God can cure. What high cost is it going to cost you.